"Do-nothing guru"

One of my closest friends is a nurse practitioner.

She’s had to quit working because of how advanced her MS has gotten.

We’ve been talking more and more,

Now are working on a project together.

But sometimes she accidently hurts my feelings a little bit.

Once she asked when she could call and was like “Oh it doesn’t matter, I know you don’t have ■■■■ to do all day”.

True, funny, but also a little insulting?

Maybe.

Then another time she called, bored,

Wanted to know what I do with myself all day.

So I told her my routine and she told me I was her “do-nothing guru”.

We’ve always had what we’ve lovingly called a “full contact friendship”.

I don’t know how we came to that term, but it basically means, no ■■■■■■■■.

We say what we mean, and we’re direct with each other.

Our friendship birthed from a bullying type situation in middle school so we were already on brutally honest terms when we started.

I don’t want to tell her those comments hurt my feelings though.

It’s just because I’m sensitive about that particular subject.

And I know she feels sensitive about it too because this is the first time in her life she hasn’t been insanely busy with school or work.

She’s projecting a little bit, but she’s also not wrong about me.

I’m hoping doing this project together will help us feel a little more productive.

Anyway,

Should I just accept this as a little bit of projection and let it go,

Or give her a big talk about how what we do matters even if we aren’t students and don’t work?

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I think it’s projection I who cares what she thinks about what you do? If you’re her friend and she’s your friend there shouldn’t be a question of judgment on that level so I think it’s projection she’s probably just trying to poke fun coming up with something to say and knows that being mean to you is a way to interact

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I’d just let it go. I have 2 friends left and they’re not even in my country anymore. But one of them visits about twice a year.

The stuff that comes out of his mouth sometimes is pretty tactless! But I just let it go. Overlooking stuff works.

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You’re probably right.

Being mean to each other is a favorite pastime of ours.

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:smiling_imp: grrrrr lol :laughing: :joy: :rofl:
Calling you a guru is a good dis lol

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It’s true.

She got a genuine laugh out of me from the comment.

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Do nothing guru seems funny.

Better than being called lazy.

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You are now an honourary male.

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Or something in between?

Maybe I’m simple-minded. But if she says something like that again. Or even now. You can just say exactly what you are thinking? That it made you laugh, but it also hurts a bit, because it is a sensitive subject. Or whatever. No need for big talks. But you can just say what you feel? Without being angry?Can even be done with a joke? :woman_shrugging:

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“It takes a hell off a lot of nothing to run a household properly”

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Yes, but she is also probably indirectly hoping for some advice/guidance. You two have a sarcastic tone with each other, but it sounds like she is genuinely hoping you can let her know what to do all day that still leaves her feeling fulfilled. It was hard for me to figure out when I had to leave work, and I probably accidentally hurt a lot of people’s feelings when I was trying to adjust. It is also common in retirees, so I hear.

She might have trouble being genuinely vulnerable, and this might be the closest she can get.

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I know she is struggling with being home all day and having to focus on herself and her recovery rather than other people’s.

And I did give her some genuine advice.

But it’s hard because she’s physically unable to do a lot.

I don’t like go to the cross fit gym everyday so I can survive the apocalypse,

Still,

I do a lot of moving around and doing stuff.

She can’t do that stuff.

She can’t maintain a house.

That’s why I think this project may be so good.

Give her a lot to do without having to do much, if that makes sense.

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It makes so much sense. And it probably makes her feel insecure to see you able to do physical stuff, so she takes you down a peg. The project sounds like it will be really helpful for her.

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I would take it as a compliment some people including myself have a hard time not participating in the work force. Its super difficult to focus on yourself, keeping structure in a day while also finding something meaningful to do. I think thats het underlining question. I still wonder how i should and can do that

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Stay at home wives and mothers have to spend so much time validating their lives. It’s exhausting and disturbing. Some people don’t filter themselves. Stop and say eff you in your mind, and try not to let it get to you. People have a lot to say about things they don’t understand.

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This is exactly my thought on this as well. I think she is challenged by cutting back. I’d let her know she should be a little easier on herself. MS is brutal and kindness is good medicine.

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It’s not fair when you don’t work and people judge you. I was home for the better part of 12 years, so I understand.

ETA: that consisted of me being home before I was pregnant, during my pregnancy, having small children and then being home while they were in school full-time. So, it wasn’t always “understandable” from an outsider’s perspective.

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May I ask what “the project” is?

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We are remaking a comic book we wrote when we were kids.

It’ll be difficult and time consuming,

But totally worth it.

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Will u post some of it?

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