I am way, way, pissed at C. He forgot my birthday. It was the worst day of my life and I was counting on a ‘happy birthday’ from him to shed at least a little positive light on it.
Family therapy. There is nothing that will make you feel like a bigger nut case than family therapy. I just sat there crying while my Mom gave some politician grade answers about always loving me. She dropped a big bomb though and said that she and dad always knew I was suicidal. They never got me help. Worst day of my life.
Moving on though, I just now feel like I don’t love C any more. I used to be with him and be all all the time he was around and now that’s suddenly cooled. The thing is though I’ve only been this mad at him once in our seven or so years. That was the day I thought he cheated on me (he didn’t but I saw some texts and over reacted. Once I calmed down ever I had to admit that I over reacted). I felt conflicted though because I felt like I still deeply loved him. Right now… zilch. Nothing.
My mom and dad said they think he is using me for money but I never beleived that was true and my therapist took his side on it like I did. His family isn’t as well off as mine and he does sometimes pay for stuff but they’re going through a serious crunch right now. He smokes though and smokes weed and that really pisses me off. He doesn’t have a job either but I can’t talk because I don’t have a job as well.
He’s always there when I need him though and he seems to love me very much.
I honestly don’t think I have a right to be mad which is why I think I must not love him right now rather than being mad. He asked me if I was ok numerous times last night but he had a friend over and I didn’t want to start some sort of couple’s feud and made his friend feel awkward.
Does mad feel like not love?
I know that @darksith has a great relationship with his wife and so does @Patrick. What do you guys think?
I cant tell if you love him or not ( no one does) but i have something to say about forgetting a birthday. Last year I forgot my mom’s birthday. I didnt even think of it until she reminded me, about week or two after.
I didn’t do it on purpose. I was overwhelmed with my own stuff and feeling very bad generally…
What I want to say is…maybe he is going trough something too…I dont know how you look on it but those kind of stuff, birthdays, anniversaries, it is all just too formal, too much culturally introjected, too artificial to give it such a big meaning. At least for me.
How is he treating you on every day basis? Can you speak with him about things?
Do you love to touch him? Can you imagine living your life without him?
Those are things that matters.
men don’t remember birthdays…or anniversary’s… !?!
we ( men ) think we are multi tasking when we are watching tv and have a drink in one hand and the remote in the other…our ’ talent ’ is astounding… !?!
basically women generally mature in their twenties…men …if you are lucky mature in their forties…and sometimes never at all.
so your boyfriend forgetting your birthday…is not surprising !?!
men have to be left hints…sometimes placing said sticky note to a mans forehead will help !?!
take care
p.s happy birthday
Love isn’t a feeling. It’s an action. Sometimes it is easy to love someone, because your feelings are all fuzzy and warm. Other times, especially after seven years, loving someone is hard, and it takes effort to keep doing it. That is why so many couples break up.
If you want to know whether you still want to be with him, try showing your love for him, by doing all the things that would come naturally if you were feeling fuzzy. Hold his hand, go on dates, take time to cuddle. Talk it over with him, and let him know you’re having a hard time. Tell him (without yelling) how upset you were when he forgot your birthday. Ask if he will show more effort too. The more you both show your love for each other, the quicker that feeling will return. If he isn’t willing to do the little extra things, that might be a bad sign.
I think this might be poverty of emotion. I like to think I’m usually a kind, caring, person but I haven’t felt the urge to help others like I normally would. What do you think? I usually see someone and think nice thoughts about them but lately that hasn’t been happening. Maybe my moods are finally stabilizing.
I’m a gifter by nature. That’s how I show love. I get people little things and his birthday is a big deal for me and I make a big deal out of it. He says he keeps thinking my birthday is in November (understandable. His is easy for me because my family is just getting back from a trip we take every year and I get him something on vacation. He also has his on facebook where I can check it. Mine isn’t because I’m paranoid like that).
I’m insanely temperamental but my moods usually pass. Maybe I’m just extra angry.
There have been whole decades of my life (in other words the first twenty and then some) when I was constantly suicidally depressed so I’m just trying to get the hang of appropriate emotions.
oh,i am not sure if my answer could be useful. i am the kind of schizos who cant love anymore… i was diagnosed as borderline and it could be me also…at my worse, i was idealising myself and i was thinking that i am loving etc but i couldnt show it(quite autistic)…now that i have a little more reason,i see that love is difficult for me… i even cant feel the art anymore. i was like that even as kid i think i had un ex with whom i was obsessed. i still am not sure if this was love… take care
I can relate to having an ex that you were obsessed with. You did everything you could to make it work and it still wasn’t good enough. Painful situation to be in. Then you obsess over the person because you couldn’t understand why it didn’t work. hamster hug anna
yeah, its still in my head this guy hah especially after he told me that he wants to sleep with my best friend who is schizo also and i suffered from her madness also… she had more guys than me. me i am kinda of ugly and too autistic for them
I don’t think you’re ugly Anna. I think you’re a beautiful girl
I really like your sweet personality and it’s the insides that matter most…I don’t think you give yourself enough credit
I would hang out with you if we weren’t thousands of miles away from where I live…
I enjoy your posts and look forward to them.
Hope you feel better and stop kicking yourself so hard because you deserve better than what you go through. You’ve been through a lot and that in itself deserves credit.
ok,thanks turning,i try not to suffer yeap and i take my meds strictly hah :)… i already give the credits to others to love me besides my guilt which is still here… sometimes i am worried by the cognitive troubles that i have but it can get better this alos…
kisses
The strange thing is the only birthday I can remember is my little sisters. She’s an ■■■■■■■ so I don’t know why I remember that one. Maybe something traumatic happened? Luckily (or unluckily depending on how you look at it) his birthday falls right after my family vacation. The date for that doesn’t really change so I start prepping (looking for a present, sorting out what day his birthday actually is on, etc). It’s the extended family and it’s two weeks so there’s no confusing it with any other trip.
My wife and I were so busy we forgot each other’s Anniversary this year. We went out a week later for dinner. Whenever one of us ‘slips up’ we just celebrate at a different time.
Also, we don’t always celebrate our own Birthdays on the actual day. With two kids and a busy work/family life, we wait for the appropriate time/day to raise a glass to each other.
Yeah, you’re right. I just make such a big deal out of his birthday (which is easy. I’m over emotional and the trip is a good three week constant warning bell). I spend weeks finding just the right thing, I bake a cake (he doesn’t like sweets but it’s a birthday. His family eats it though so that’s good.)
and have a drink in one hand and the remote in the other…our ’ talent ’ is astounding… !?! 
especially after he told me that he wants to sleep with my best friend who is schizo also and i suffered from her madness also… she had more guys than me. me i am kinda of ugly and too autistic for them 