Do I need to ask questions to make friends?

My problem is my social anxiety is so bad, that I can’t initiate questions, unless the other person has asked the same question first. I always feel like I am intruding if I ask people questions, but then I feel boring if I do not ask questions. I don’t even know if My heart wants to ask questions because all I can think about is how I must avoid annoying people by asking questions.

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Ask questions! It’s the best way for socially anxious people to have in depth conversations. People generally love talking about themselves, their kids, their pets, their hobbies. If you’re really anxious about overstepping, say, “Tell me if this is too personal/none of my business, but” and then ask. Chances are it is none of those things.

Asking questions takes the pressure off of both of you: you to talk at length, them to carry the entire conversation.

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Thanks, I will try

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Asking questions is how to break the ice and get to know a person. People love to talk about themselves. Just use your instincts: don’t get too personal.

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Yes. Everyone loves validation. People love to share and discuss things and even small things like saying:

Lovely day today, eh?

So you have children? Are they in school?

I admit i don’t like having to ask ALL the questions but questions foster the sender and receiver relationship. ?'s spurn more ?'s

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My mum asks lots of questions to people and she has studied psychology at university pretty much all her adult life.

I am socially awkward and can suffer immensely when socialising specially at dinner or longer time.

Asking questions could work for you.

My mum said it is noticeable that I seem wierd and not normal around people for longer time or sitting with etc

A gorgeous woman asked me out for coffee.

I said rain :umbrella:️ Check but truthfully I don’t think I am up for it.

Sitting at a cafe with someone opposite me can be horrid.

This woman is overweight but is so gorgeous and such a nice smile.

I am heterosexual and she is married and I have my great man but it could be nice to make a friend but it’s not easy.

Last year I thought I was making a friend but I gave her a scarf I made after meeting her three times or so and she might of felt uncomfortable with me so she stopped communications with me.

I can have friends in spirit.

It’s just so difficult in person …

If you feel more comfortable with some and not so much with others.

Good wishes to you

:pray:t3::two_hearts:

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I can relate to the suffering wen being around people for long periods of time, especially at meal times. I find it hard to b social and eat at the same time.

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Yeah. Most conversation is about listening and working out the cues. Listen and learn to respond when it’s time.

It really helps and good conversation is a skill like any other. It’s something you can learn. I know that is hard for anxietal people but it’s something you need to work on!

I’m a very social person and I’ve had my lifetime of failures. I do try hard. Saying that. Sometimes it all comes together and that isn’t a bad thing! I’m still friends with people I’ve known over 25 years. That is a long time!

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I’m really bad at reading cues, I may as well playing the lottery

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I suffer a lot of social anxiety, although I find asking questions to be really helpful. I try to get the person talking as much about themselves as possible. It’s good because people like talking about themselves and it deflects the conversation away from me.

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Relax and listen. That is the key. I say something…you respond. Practice with close family. You ask questions based on your interest with a person. For me it’s all about knowing how they tick. How they deal with things.

Some things come natural and that is the place to be and most of that comes from practice. I’m a paranoid schizophrenic. I think way too much about almost anything but conversation interests me. Keep the questions polite and not silly and you’ll learn something…that moves to another situation and a longer or another conversation!

If it helps. Do some therapy. That may help you learn to listen and respond. Talk! That is the point. Your therapist will tell you if your getting the idea…( I don’t think much of therapists to be honest but it’s probably not a bad way to go ! )

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Thanks, maybe I wil c s therapist

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It’s a structured environment but unloading some of your issues may help you get an idea of conversation! I think therapy becomes pretty boring if your not talking so address your issues and you may learn some things!

Years ago I made a conscious decision to talk! I like to talk and always have. Sometimes I fell flat on my face and that sux and is embarrassing but you learn. That is the point! It’s all about trying and learning!

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That makes sense

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It’s about learning. Practice makes perfect and you can improve. If you have the opportunity do groups or shared interactions. Put yourself out there and observe. Process. Learn. It is a skill! You can learn it all!

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Once your asking this question youre already overthinking it. I’ve dealt with severe social anxiety and am probably 50% over it but can tell you that exposure works. And exposure. And more exposure.

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