I’m not going to specify my exact age, but I’m young enough that I’m in highschool. Though, while I am young, I am more mature than most people my age. Anyhow, the thing is I have been becoming more and more aware that I may have schizophrenia, or perhaps developing it. Now, before I start I tend to rant and ramble so if you are unable to read this amalgamation of words do not bother with the rest of this text.
Continuing off what I said before, It has been brought to my attention that I may or may not have schizophrenia. Examples of such would be seeing faces from any object, some with the ability of movement. Sometimes limited to the mouths or eyes, though these faces are not always, “Human,” Most being somewhat demonic. Keep in mind, I am not under the influence of religon of any sort. Only interested in the stories they describe, mainly being the ‘God-Like’ figures and the such. (Ala, Bahamut, Abbadon, etc.) Including those hallucinations, I also have a hallucination that lasts during a state of calmness, which is most of the time so it is constant. It is when everything seems to breath, melt, bend, or anything that said object should not be doing ever. As a book should not have the ability to breath, because that is highly irrational. These hallucinations also have a tactile response, example, if I touch my, “breathing,” book, it really feels like it is pushing my hand up and down. Or if I walk down a hallway and bumps grow out the ground I feel them pushing me up. Next, I seem to sometimes feel, “Cured?” It honestly feels like sometimes I am just randomly cured of these things that happen to me. It’s also hard to know if there was something to even be cured in the first place, because most people supposedly hear voices or fear that somebody is after them. I, on the other hand, do not hear things other than car alarms that I do not know where their origins are located. Though, I remember always fearing being shot anywhere I went at around the age of five to eleven. Now I fear irrational things like I’m being watched by a demon, disallowing me to take a shower at times or even sleep. I know it is not real, but it feels so real that I can’t just shrug it off. It makes me terrified, I can’t even look behind me right now because I fear something is watching, about to eat my hair if I do. It feels undescribeable, the closest words I have is an embodiement of fear. God, I’m crying, it is so hard to deal with. I can’t even get help from my parents, they believe that their child is without weakness. Something I would rather not talk about, as this honestly hurts my pride asking for help. I told them what I was seeing, and they responded by saying, “Don’t watch those scary movies.” I wish I could respond by saying, “How could I? I would break if I did.” I can’t think right now, talking about this online is just horrible, but it is the only option I have. If anyone knows, please tell me where I can have this tested, and where I could go to get medicine. I need it before my mind breaks, it feels like I will go completely mad soon.
Sorry about that, I just came back, this part is written the day after the previous paragraph. I apologize about the grammar and the desperation, It’s just that I had a meltdown. Please respond as soon as possible, I thank you for reading my concerns and would appreciate the help. I would be delighted if this was taken seriously, and regarded as a plead for help instead of something written by an incompetent, Kid.
