I did some thinking this morning. If I am really serious about life, and I choose to live, then I will have to do more practical things. I love to work on my art, it gives me self worth and that gets me by. I have books to read and music to listen to and guitar and YouTube and drawing and every once in a while writing. But I’m in jeopardy of losing everything if I just don’t take care of myself. I haven’t bathed in four days. If I don’t go to the supermarket today I’ll have nothing to eat. If I don’t clean my apartment I might be evicted from my apartment and be homeless. I am crazy, I have the ability to at least say that. But I have some kind of fragile ego that keeps me free. If I were out on the street, I know I’d end up in jail or an asylum, and it might be permanent, because I could be so far gone I couldn’t come back. I have a totally darkened mind and reason cannot penetrate. I have no friends or family nearby, no one to encourage me to do the right thing. And I’m too stuck up to listen to anyone’s advice. The question is, do I choose to live and do a little bit of work, or check out and let myself lose consciousness?
Always choose life.
to me, art is more important than cleaning.
But I think that ‘lists’ were talked about on here a few days ago,
sometimes it helps me, check off each thing done.
But I give myself up to 3 days to get it all done.
and I also list creative things I want to do.
i’d choose life for sure… don’t you have help from other people like your parents and maybe siblings or a good friend? Like people that can help you with going to the supermarket for example?
do you think this is gonna be a one hit wonder? ha.
well, til you really get into the forum, you stay.
what do you mean with “one hit wonder”? =)
Life is the best choice. My life was horrible for many years, and I wanted to check out. But I didn’t succeed multiple times. I’m glad because I have a great family now. I want to live now. Hang in there.
Life is not easy and I have never been on the streets but I’m sure it’s hell itself out there.
Choose to live… Even if it is just baby steps. One second of positivity at a time becomes a minute of positivity later on which brings hope for recovery.
Take that shower…maybe you’ll feel good enough to go to the grocery store. You have come this far in life… Don’t give up now.
I would choose to live. You don’t know when things might change. You probably need to get out more, that’s why the supermarket seems difficult. Just take a short walk every day.
I got a shower and to the supermarket. Next I’ll clean the kitchen, an easy job. I’ve got to stop walking a tightrope over an abyss. I tell myself I’ll get by but never really try. I’ve got to grow up some. I need to get out much more. When I get my vaccination shot I’m going to go to twelve step meetings. I am an addict and I’ve never known them to tell anyone to not attend addict or not, unless it’s a " closed " meeting. I’ve been to a lot of meetings and I know what I’m talking about.
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