I ask this because of a delusion that will stay with me unto death.
I heard the words from a friend, but I simply considered it schizophrenia talking… he said,’ when you’re being cut, you’ll feel a cold feeling coming from your azz. Anyways, am sitting in my mother’s house in the lounge with the maid who was carrying my baby sister, the maid looked at me straight in my eyes, and said am going to cut her(my less than 1 year old sister), I just looked at her and turned away like I never heard anything… few seconds later, my baby sister starts crying as though she was dropped on the floor - she was loud, wasn’t a simple cry - I watched everyone surrounding her asking what happened… and I said nothing, to this day… And even after that, I could never blame the maid, because I heard my own mother saying the same words ‘cut’ … so am not saying it was literally the maid who did it, but I must ask, is the word ‘cut’ known?
I mean from a schizophrenia standpoint… it’s not foreign to me… I was once stuck in a traffic jam and I felt a extremely cold sensation no different from what my friend who first introduced me to the word (schizo talk ofc - wasn’t him speaking)… I felt it climbing my body - cold cold… can’t even explain it, but in my mind it was exactly what he told me… I just enter the other lane of the road and drove away - that’s when it stopped - but still, what I felt was what he told me…
don’t get me wrong, he was the same friend who once told me (he wasn’t alone when he said it - I ju8st laughed at him when I heard it - he just walked out after - though he said it while going out) he told me people can hear the voices in your head…
he lives in maryland USA atm… I once asked him about it and he told, yea, that’s what I said, I asked him for an explanation to it and he said the neurons in my head etc is what caused people to hear… but I think he was just asnwering me because I asked a foolish question (who asked a guy if you hear the voices in his head?) I just thought he was mocking me for asking such a question, but still - I’ve never talked to him about it since
but this was after 1 year after he told me the voice thing - we weren’t alone so I can onlly assume it was the schizophrenia talking… if not, bloody hell, I was sitting next to bloody witches hahah,
but this was before there was any paranoia in my schizophrenia - the paranoia only came cause even though I understood it wasn’t him speaking (fb says diff, but i think its coz he didnt want to answer a friend in a madness like ’ do you hear voices in my head?) but still, it’s only cause of him that I stress about hearing voices or fear the reality in narrates to me… coz before he spoke, it was just an irritation to me - you would never hear me speak in my head or thoughts, I was just a deppressed looking guy hearing people always talkiing to me in mouth and mind, and I alwayss ust ignored it as nonsense, but after he told me people hear the voices in my head> how could I not take the voices seriously? and now am a guy who cant stop speaking
it’s funny… last time I spoke to him… I was making fun of him cause he video chatted me with a bunch of other maryland friends… I was busy saying I miss f#king him up his azz as though we were gay (ofc it was just to embarass him infront of his friend, but he later sent a message saying who’s this bum? (bum=homeless)
and the sadness in him saying ‘people hear my voices’, I once read a UK woman in an article that said the same thing - ‘A friend told me people hear my voices’…
so it’s not even irregular… and am not a fatherless fool for my father to let me walk around with fools speaking to my mind, but still, then thought of thinking such can happen makes me the fool… but who can blame me? when it happens to all… and it’s always followed by mothers being scare and running away from their kids (also from news - happenes to schizophrenics - not even rare)… it’ all a system… so I must ask, is cut in the system?