I have never been there, but I’ve had several students who would get into that state. I could see in their eyes that they were begging for help, but their actions would be completely out of control. Medication can help there, but if you’re under 18 there aren’t very many different meds you can take. And until you’re done with puberty, they can have weird effects.
Maybe that’s something you can work on in therapy. How to maintain control over your body when you’re in panic mode. Maybe you can practice leaving the classroom to go see the fish while you’re still feeling okay. That way, the pattern will be in your brain when you’re not okay.
It also might help you to take some time before every class to check in with your mood and anxiety levels. It seems like, right now, you don’t know what your warning signs are that you’re about to have an episode. Everyone has warning signs, but it takes a long time to learn yours. One thing you might be able to do is check your pulse. If your heartbeat is getting fast, it could be a sign you’re starting to panic.
My warning signs are when I flap my hands or twist my head, when I start breathing fast, and when I start to get tunnel vision. Then, I know I’m about to have a panic attack, and I can practice my coping skills to calm down.
That sounds like a great idea thank you Ninjastar. Yea, it feels absolutely trapping to be in my own body, and I get so panicked I can’t even really blink or close my eyes, they’re wide in terror-like state and alert. Then I start miss-seeing or hallucinating and the compulsions come on. Im almost 18, so maybe that’ll help! its weird, its like I can’t even respond to others despite wanting to. Like, if someones talking to me, I don’t say anything, just nod with wide eyes. Luckily, I had my Clonazepam at school, so when my girlfriend took me to the washroom and I calmed down a bit I asked her to go get it and it was sedative to me. However, when she was out of the washroom, I had an urge to lock her out and drown or injure myself further.
I will definitely take the time to try and notice when I start feeling this way, I feel like you’re right and it would be most preventative to catch it before it starts. I think for me, a warning sign is my heartbeat and body feels strange, my eyes get wide, and I have trouble acting/functioning normally. Before It got bad, I was trying to talk to my teacher, and I was looking almost completely in the other direction while speaking to him without reason. Im glad my teachers know now I am going through mild psychosis and are very flexible with me…
I know about self harm and the laughing I can relate to very well. I was in a crisis intake and I was laughing about my suicidal thoughts. Well that got me a two week stay and a psychosis nos label that time.
Abnormal emotional responses are a hallmark of sz, like laughing when it’s not appropriate to.
And yes like star said it is not an intrusive thought if you are acting it out, I agree that would be more like a compulsion. You need to seek help for that as it sounds potentially very dangerous.