Disorder Physics

I used to have this unusual belief that I’ll call disorder physics. When I was behaving unusually I would have this idea that I was catalyzing social behavior and I guess that I was the only thinking individual and my actions set everything else on motion in kind of orbits that radiated away from me. The thing was when my behavior was odd this perception would be verified by others reactions and i would see myself affecting the environment around me. I would sense that my power was growing and this would result in a mass gravitation event where police, security guards, nurses would pile on, masses would form as crowds to watch. It was a very plausible delusion in my state. This perception stayed with me for years and it was though a type of physics reasoning I considered my social alienation or sometimes activity. I thought like this even when not psychotic. I still wonder about the physics of thought and action and find it hard to forget the things I observed in my altered state.

I should point out i never thought I was a god. I just had a kind of solipsism delusion where my life was a phenomena in the universe and I was the centre of it.

Maybe this is a binary-binary solar system, bud. I get that thought coming and going all the time. Forget that the stream of life is passing through me rather than me making it flow.

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