Disgusted by sex and romance

No interest in sex just snuggles. Oh I would have sex with the right man and I would make it be fun but I wouldn’t orgasm. I haven’t had an orgasm since I started taking aps. They ruin that for me. But it’s ok I had more than my fair share when I was younger.

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I am old enough to be a grandfather and the chances are slim. However the reason I don’t want to see it is that my dealings with women have improved since I stopped looking at it.

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My libido is for the most part gone due to the meds. However I have my sanity so that comes up trumps.

I get along with women I would normally be attracted to MUCH better now, so that’s a silver lining.

I can still feel the drive to get a partner, it is like a weak whisper in the back of my brain.

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Yeah I mean without the sensitivity to the allure… There are a whole lot of things that aren’t all that appealing to notice.

It’s kind of like getting to good a look at my own toenails… Like damn those are super yellow. How ■■■■■■ long have they been that yellow. I don’t remember having yellow toes. I shower every day… I mean what else is there. I mean I was my feet too… I don’t just let the water run down them.

Like that relationship… Except to other people’s body parts.

I think that’s why crushes are so powerful… It’s like whatever said person of desire is emitting is basically like a pheromone cocktail of hallucinogens.

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I can see that.

There is a difference between being let down by discovering your crush is a real person with faults, and not putting them on a pedestal in the first place, then noticing they aren’t perfect.

I was going to write a line about it not being all about body parts, but realised when I was last attracted to a woman, that was still my main focus. Does that make me a bad person?

Man… Can’t speak for everyone, but not in my book.

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I’m scared of intimacy, partly due to culture and partly due to the constant pain in my head that gets worsened by stress.

The cultural part isn’t going to change, but I can reduce the pain with some kind of treatment. Trying different things.

Love is Good And Fun And Discovery And Humble Joy And Realizing That it’s Forever

Which is Good

I used to go for pedicures 2x a month, now my nail salon is closed. I take good care of myself for an average schizophrenic person. I shower, take care of my skin, paint my nails, brush my hair, self-care makes me feel so much better. But my age is starting to show. I will turn 32 this year.

Whenever I imagine a vagina, it smells and feels wonderful. But in spite of that, I have no libido or orgasmic capacity due to meds.

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Every single man and woman I’ve ever had sex with were eager to go down on me and did. Every one of them.

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Well, if you don’t know, how the hell are we supposed to know?

I don’t think I’m disgusted. I just am happy to not have those things in my life.

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