Hi everyone,
I just wanted to update the forum on my status even though it’s been a difficult week for me. A couple weeks ago, I started to deteriorate mentally - trouble focusing, intrusive thoughts, images, and voices, etc. That Wednesday night, it got to the point that a demonic image and voice that was intruding through my thoughts was commanding me to stab myself and my partner, and the compulsion became almost too much to bear. So I took 100 mg hydroxizine to calm myself down, and my partner drove me back to the hospital where I was inpatient a month ago.
Fortunately, after my dose of seroquel was raised from 600 mg to 800 mg, my symptoms subsided after about three days. I stayed for another four days and was discharged today. But my doctor notified me that I’ve maxed out on the seroquel now, so if the symptoms come back and become unmanageable, she strongly recommends that I switch to clozapine.
It’s so frustrating to go through this, but I feel like I’m doing the best I can. I’m reminding myself that no one got hurt which is a really big deal considering how bad I was doing. I had the option of trialing the clozapine in the hospital, but I didn’t want to give up on the seroquel completely before trying the highest dose. Plus, clozapine requires a weekly blood draw for the first six months so I wasn’t quite ready for that.
Anyways, that’s all for now. I will try to stay positive and keep journaling. One day at a time for now.
Take care, Tom