I never felt normal even before sz. I had negative symptoms before sz but they got worse with sz, they started to get worse 3yrs before diagnosis my grades in university and college went down due to bad cognition. The one that I always had was lack of emotions.
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I started not going to class and sleeping all day in the library. I thought I had autism but Dr said its negative symptoms. I feel distant from people eventhough i am interacting with them i feel like i am on another planet and weird. I want to overdose on Ldopa I don’t care about positive symptoms anymore i think i am depressed stopping meds for 2yrs made me worse damaged my brain no way out
I guess no one can help me as my pdoc said he can’t help me, i dont accept my symptoms but i have to accept this shitty life
I’m sorry you’re not happy with your life man.
Things can and will improve.
You’re a smart guy. You could easily get a girlfriend again man. Women love intelligence!
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All through my teenage years i slept a lot, slept on my desk at school, in the study cubicles. And id sleep in till like 1or 2pm on weekends. I was a very spaced out person just daydreaming a lot. Low academic achievement in high school.
Id say im more productive now than i was then. But 24-30 i was pretty driven to do stuff. Still slept at ton though 
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it’s hard to say if i had them before sz. I find it hard to remember how i was in the past. It’s like a lot of stuff is just blank in my mind and can’t recall it.
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I sleep less now than the 3yrs before sz when I was prodromal. I wonder what causes these fluctuations in functioning. I went off meds for 2yrs I still didn’t feel as good as before sz, still no emotions. My pdoc told me even if I stop meds without psychosis I won’t be like before sz. On Abilify and Latuda I was more functional than off meds, I worked full time
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