I’m new to the forum. I am diagnosed BP, hope that’s ok. sorry for the long post and it’s kinda whiny too.
My entire world just changed. My entire life plans and goals are erased and I’m staring at a blank slate. Because the sad probability is that it’s only going to get worse. After 2 1/2 years of new meds and side effects and increased dosages and weekly therapy, than losing a whole lot of function, the odds are NOT in my favor.
I have these huge life changing decisions to make and I have no support. My core values were intelligence (specifically my analytic ability), my work ethic and my honesty. But now I look forward to cognitive impairment, can’t function for the best job I have ever had, and I lie to people about my mental illness to avoid stigma. Who am I when I can no longer be the person I have strived my whole life to be?
My mom doesn’t understand (which I don’t think many do, my best and only friend lost her mom to Bipolar so I don’t want to upset her. My husband is neglecting me for his friends because he needs to be comforted. I know its stressful to him but now I’m going through it and I’m completely alone, left in the dark.
Both my therapist and I have been calling my psychiatrist for 2 weeks and nothing is being done which is EXTREMELY unlike her. I’m facing Cognitive impairment & memory loss-errors. I experienced dissociative thoughts, voices, extreme terror and paranoia among other less exciting things. All at once. Most I haven’t seen before.
I’m just sad and trying to come to terms with what I now know.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who has felt this way.
Which med are u on Super …!! Do you consider taking med …!!!
I’ve been taking my meds for 2 1/2 years, with many different meds, the regiment I have now is lithium, lamotrigine, wellbutrin and trazodone, but I hope if I ever get a hold of my doctor she’ll adjust to account for new symptoms.
600 because at 900 my thyroid broke. I’m still trying to convince them to let me take more and just give me thyroid meds to counter balance.
I gave you a like but I don’t know what to say. I feel like this cognitive impairment is the worst.
It does get better, so hang in there.
I was a U.S. Navy Intelligence Specialist when symptoms of schizophrenia made it impossible for me to do my job (my job was analytical). That was 30 years ago, and after years of my pdoc dialing in my meds, along with time, my mind may not what it used to be, but it’s as good as it ever was. I have a 2,000 Elo chess rating (I’m no Magnus Carlsen (a reference that means nothing unless you play chess)).
You’ll get better over time, and hopefully that will be very soon.
I’m bipolar-type schizoaffective, and I take lamotrigine. It works great for me; I hated lithium, on account of the side effects. It seems odd to be on both. Couldn’t your dr just up your dose of lamotrigine, or are you already on a very high dose of it? I was taking 200 mg twice a day for years, but now I take 200 mg only once a day. Yes, lithium is also very hard on the thyroid.
It is isn’t it? I had trouble loading the dishwasher on a bad day.
LOL, I do not get that reference because I have always sucked at Chess. Not very good at the whole “thinking ahead” thing. It is really hopeful to see that it worked out for you. I’m scared of the getting worse part, I can still research and analyse as it is today.
I’m doing the 200 mg twice a day. There is a huge difference even off the low dose of lithium for me… like more connected to the world or something. I don’t know why the other medicines don’t have much of an effect. They make me less irritable (which is great because I can be a real jerk) but I still have episodes pretty frequently.
Oh well. Hopefully my doctor will have an idea when I get a hold of her.
I’m SZ, not BP, but I had two major turning points with my illness…
- I made a decision to take meds as directed. I stopped ‘cheeking’ them when in the psych ward and discarding them when at home because I couldn’t stand the side-effects. This provided me with much-needed stability upon which to base my recovery.
- I adopted a recovery-centric attitude. Basically, I made a decision that I would do whatever I needed to in order to get better, and I have mostly followed through on it. (Meds, honesty with docs, therapy as needed, recovery journals, CBT, pushing myself, etc.)
That’s awesome! What do you think is working best for you so far? Have you noticed any specific changes aside from stability?
Recovery-centric attitude is the biggest part of getting better. That’s when I shifted from low gear to high gear.
I have regained most of my lost function, gained plenty of additional function, and can leave neurotypicals around me in the dust with relative ease.
I have been working on my recovery at first just as an agreement to save my marriage but slowly I started to look back and see the monster I was. And I never want to be that person again. So I take the meds even when I feel frustrated that I still have episodes. And I go to my counsellor even when I don’t want to talk. And I research the crap out of bipolar disorder (and actually learn a lot about schizophrenia because of the close association) because I need to see the data to trully process what is happening to me. And with that I can be self aware and try my best to hold on to any piece of control I have before it gets too bad. But if you get thrown into fight or flight mode, knowing it is irrational doesn’t change that terror or calm your heart.
This most recent development just drained my hope away and sometimes I just want to give up.
I’ll still do what I need to do though. Everyday.
Have you considered joining a community intended for your particular disorder? You’re currently in a Chinese food restaurant asking its patrons what they think about Italian food. It’s … weird.
I definitely had a turning point. My psychosis built up my whole life and then reached this peak in highschool were I was dealing w horrific psychosis…insight is the most important tool to being able to improve your situation and you seem to have that which is great…over time you will hopefully learn your own coping methods and have meds and therapy to help as well…
I feel like I’ve mostly “conquered” my psychosis. After 18 years of it I haven’t had an episode in over a year. It may take quite some time for things to improve but they definitely aren’t guaranteed to always be as bad as they are now!!
Oh. Ok. I’m sorry. The bipolar forums I didn’t really understand a lot of view points. My counsellor has This on a list of resources and I connected with the posts I read. And the forums description included voices so idk, I just thought it would be a better community for support than the bipolar forums.
Well, thanks for the feedback anyway and I hope you guys have a good day.
@SuperMarioMomma, you’re welcome to post here. The only off-limits area is the Dx’ed-Sz/Sza area, which is reserved for people with a current or past sz/a diagnosis.
We have many members here who float back and forth between a bipolar diagnosis and a schizoaffective diagnosis. The disorders are closely related.
Just thought I would check in on this thread. I have bipolar also but very intense psychotic features.
I thought it was good that you know what your core values are. You can get those back. I know because mine are coming back but there is a big void there that comes from having been incompetent for a very long time. Bipolar disorder (real bipolar disorder not the trendy bipolar that every wannabe normie says they have) is incredibly difficult to live with. I also relate better to this site than bipolar sites because I find most bipolar people to be very bizarre and a little too sure of themselves sometimes. I relate to the psychosis of sz because that’s what I experience.
I hope you can find some peace. Lithium and lamictal is said to be a good combo if you’ve been suicidal. Wellbutrin is good for appetite suptession amongst other things.
This illness destroyed my life, sometimes I don’t know how to live with this because I’m not normal and I know it. I check in on this site to get things off my chest. It helps. I also am hoping they come out with better medications. I don’t know about lithium but at least you don’t have to take an Antipsychotic. They’re rough! I’m on them and I feel like I’m handicapped. Anyway hang in there. It takes a long time to recover from an episode. Unfortunately we have to do what we can and accept that we have an illness. It’s unfair.