So I still often look at the others and think that they are smarter etc… I don’t get a bunch of info still… But maybe my issue is not really my cognitive decline, but my non-acceptance of myself? Ok, I went maybe dumber through the years because of the isolation etc, but why do I feel bad still when I see the others speak or think so openly? Or I really lack imagination and thinking? If its my thinking, I am screwed… With 20 years of isolation behind me, i’ll never do it soon …
But did you feel better on the thinking from the meds?
Me, I still ‘‘dig’’ here my brain… I think a lot, but it doesn’t feel like thinking… Its just like some pressure in my head if you can see… Ok, its another issue to not think at all, but I don’t know what I have in my head to feel my brain like this…Maybe its some obsession on my mind, some delusion about my mind yeap… I think without believing my thoughts or sometimes, I just have really intellectually disabled thoughts too yeah… Hard to heal this with just one med… I never found a med, who made me saner intellectually etc… its maybe not surprising…
Its a pain to realize this yeap. My pdoc also said, that I have a very good insight, maybe too much yeah…
Ok, maybe this message is one another of my dumb ones, but yeah, am tired to torture my brain like this… Its even physical… But whats the alternative with the meds- to not think? yeah…
I guess I need a peace of mind, like we all do here, I am even ready to accept it, but I am very aware still that I don’t get a lots of info around here and this worries me…
Hi Anna, I have wondered if I know you, like so many of the other posters who seem to speak to me like people I have met, it is hard to know what is the best course when people are suffering, sometimes, you just have to let them work it out for themselves, the clothes we wear are just artificial, like our brains and our hearts, all part of the cosmic ideas that float in our perception, it is ok to obsess, it is merely the movement of our thoughts, the voices in our head, behind that is a stillness that observes without fear. Hope you are well, a hug.
Hi. Yeap, i noticed you on the forum.
Well, I leave the others speechless I find lol … I am ill since kid, with 20 years of isolation behind me… And I am tired of this precisely… I sometimes struggle even to talk and I isolate, so I am quite alone… Maybe now that I know I am ill, I need mostly peace of mind, but my thoughts still torture me… I overthink I find, but sometimes- I am just dumb, which is hard when you want to be a normie… But why I don’t get the most of the info around me? I have no thoughts on some of it, its scary… I wish id knew I am not so far from stabilization…we’ve made the tour of the meds, the docs doesn’t know how to help, they think I can get better with time and efforts but they don’t give a guarantee. But maybe I was badly treated by them too, now I think of that… all my family keeps saying, that ill be forever ill and alone, they don’t see me as a human being with a future, no… Idk if I am right to try with efforts now… I get tired of this too… I wish id knew if efforts will help in the future, no?
…
anyway, I am saying too much now probably… But is it me who stops myself for being well or I really have cognitive issues? Who got better on this and what worked more- the acceptance or you really got better on cognitives? I guess my thoughts are all around here yeap, but there’s some truth in them too, so this is hard to recover on I find…
sorry, am sad now again …
Meds dont work imo you will still be the same if not get worse with every psychotic episode you have… its a sad world sorry but its truth
I don’t have episodes… My pdoc said, that my illness is different, just chronical… I am the same since 30 years in fact…
It doesnt get any easier you should know that by now where supposed to suffer for the long haul i dont know whatnwe done in life to deserve this but it is what it is
CBT has never helped me but maths and philosophy have ever since I was a child in giving me some joy in discovery of new experiences, indeed my only real experiences have come via the offering of these things to people who have always wanted to know more. To my mind my psychosis was caused by masturbation to corruption which was forced on me by society. This even has a biological basis as masturbation entrains the body’s biorhythms to the sensory stimulations it is combined with sending them out of kilter, if that is the right word, marijuana probably doesn’t help much either nor ecstacy but everyone is different and even masturbation can be ok for some people.
I guess its wouldn’t be a problem if we had a peace of mind… But with some good thinking still… Don’t get desperate @YorkshireLad, I sometimes find the episodes easier… even if you lost some iq, you could live well… Me, I am just worried cause I am too dumb now, cause being ill since kid quite isolated since an eternity too… I have to deal with bunch of painful feelings now, cause now I am aware that I am a wreck etc etc…
Yeah, tbh, f*** this isolation… I am tired to be so alone
I turned into a monster, cause I lived alone for 20 years, its too much, guys… Yeah, its too much, no one didn’t deserve this…
Isolation doesnt help i know how u feel its not nice. Peace of mind is all i want but mind racing all the time it sucks. Wish i had some good advice but i dont, just know your not alone
anyway, ill continue pourishing in depression till I see the light… Now my years of loneliness just got me I guess…
mind racing, yeah… I have it strongly in the evenings, you? ok, my envy is not nice, but I rarely saw people who isolated for such a long period… Yeah, my screwed up father and the rest… whatever… I want to be saner now, but no…
Do you not have any friends or family you can visit every other day just to break the time up? Am in severe depression too since i was a kid. I get so jealous of normal people not a care in the world piece of mind they take it for granted wish i had that
Oh, am sorry for this, lad… Yeah… but i was so scared from my jealousy before, that I couldn’t even talk, am still it tbh… Hardly to write this here even now, idk why … Oh, I have two friends left who want to see me, but sometimes its just me who avoids them. The socializing is still tiring me, it can be a pressure too…
Yeah, maybe I wasn’t schizophrenic since kid, but depressive. I think there are rarely sz kids… I have a hard family history… I father who was beating my mom and my sister…
Oh, I also see my mom every day in fact. It helps but she treats me as ill be forever alone and ill, that’s the story…
You live with your parents? Maybe yours are cooler than mine . My mom say I am tough too per moments in fact, but idk, I think she doesn’t realize how much we suffer…
What does your doc say about your mind racing, Lad? Its tough cause the other option for us is to not think at all, lol…
You are still doing better @Anna1 than before. Don’t let fear harm your recovery. You sound like you want knowledge and want to learn!? Maybe you need a goal like school or a class to focus your learning. ‘The people perish for lack of knowledge.’ Look how you are relating to others and their problems. Push forward! The fear of the L_RD is the beginning of wisdom. Feed your head- your soul. Learn and grow.
In my experience only thing that helps are stimulants, antipsychotics often lower motivation.
Sovngarde, which ones?
One of schizophrenia symptoms is lack of thoughts. It can improved throughout the years. I and other people take SSRI medication to improve it