Schizophrenia.com

Did you ever have a good day

And then sometime later your mind starts to turn on you?

I’m about to go to bed and just got hit with a wave of anxiety. It was probably an anxious thought I had that I can’t even remember and now I may be up all night battling insomnia. :confounded:

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All. The. Time. I feel your pain. If I had a quarter for each time intrusive anxiety kept me awake, I’d have a private jet on 24-hour standby. When that happens, I usually get on my laptop, adjust the brightness, and futz around for an hour, hoping to clear my mind. Learned long ago how to deal with 24+ hour long days. Aggravating.

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I have more good days. But boy bad days are all I can think about sometimes.

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Yeah, I’ve become a pro at working on no sleep.

Most of my sick days are really no sleep days, although I almost always blame it on a stomach bug.

For some reason telling your job that you lay in bed all night ruminating about everything anybody ever said to you when you should have been sleeping feels inappropriate.

I’m doing some breathing exercises to help calm down, but this sucks.

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In 2018, I had a very demanding job. Worked 20-28 hours without a break. Would go from one site to another. So I’m driving around totally sleep deprived which is as bad as drunk. Sometimes would just sleep in the break room and set an alarm on my phone. I ended up leaving the job not because of the work, but they never got a single paycheck right. It was always something - no mileage reimbursement, incorrect overtime, incorrect regular time, everything.

The point I’m ineffectively making is the more I worked and stayed busy physically, the sleep would come naturally - that I’d be so tired my body would just go to sleep and the brain would be forced into hibernation.

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Today was good going to sit down for dinner with girlfriend then to bed.

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Hmm.

I Once Was Standing Outside Of A Well Structured Mysteriously Formed Marble Building.

And I Heard Light, Light, Gentle Footsteps At A Slight Distance On A Bridge While Raindrops Cried For Me To Wander My Cloudy Eyes At The Ghost Of Humanity.

So. I Looked, And It Was A Familiar Figure Of A Slightly Small Shape Of A Very Gorgeous Woman.

She Smiled.

I Smiled And Took Another Drag From My Cigarette.

Point Is,

No Matter How Long The Darkness Prevails.

As Tupac Said, Many Gentle Moons Ago…,

The Sun Will Always Rise. . . . . . .

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