I think I did. I tried talking about it before, but my brain couldn’t handle it. I think I went ‘insane’ as a coping mechanism that my body did due to evolution or poor genetics, really.
I felt out of control like helpless and fearful. I really don’t remember much anymore, but I think my memory is tainted with falsehoods now…
I’m not a reliable nararrator or story teller and I do have some fears still and concerns. Everyone tells me it’s not real, so there’s that much…
I think I have some trauma that I’ve been dealing with but there’s limited help and there’s really no point or use in trying to remember or figure things out and saying something stupid or incorrect anymore.
I never got diagnosed with PTSD but my mom has PTSD from a car accident. I think mine was worse and genetic, but got denied over ‘disbelief’. There’s no extra help or money for PTSD as the system is discrimatory and corrupt and poorly funded depending on the region and where you live and whom you meet and talk to…
I’ve met doctors who say that PTSD is reserved only for those who were in the military, which seems old - fashioned to me…
I think I could have been diagnosed with PTSD if properly treated but I ended up identifying more with DP-DR syndrome.
Nvm, in French we say marriage for a weddint so it was confusing:
A wedding is a collective name used for all the ceremonies and rituals that take place to give social acceptance to the relationship between two people, whereas marriage is the name of a life long institution, which starts after the wedding.
Same thing with autism diagnosis. I never got extra help or money for that. The extra aspergers diagnosis just is an extra disability/label that doesn’t help me in life. It does a diservice.
I don’t really know or remember anymore. It’s best to keep it inside, I think, because I don’t know anymore. I felt gas-lighted too before, but there’s nothing anyone can do to help me or support me. Maybe it was a different ‘life’ altogether.
I also don’t want to talk about what I think may or may not have happened. It’s all a complete mess in my head. A lot of false memories or something. Feels like time travel or parallel universes.