I used a fair amount of psychs freshmen year of college (two years ago). I know it didn’t help, but I definitely feel ever since freshmen year everything has gotten worse. I can’t even remember why I used it besides trying to find spiritual answers to myself and music. I just tried it once and then kept having the urge to do it more like any other drug I’ve ever tried. I feel so stupid doing it like I did now even after high school with the depression and suicide attempt. I sometimes think I’m genetically predisposed to self destruct. I just keep making the wrong decisions from the car crash, to the drugs, to even my choice in words sometimes. It makes me so scared of the future of what regretful thing I’ll be inclined to do next. I’m honestly horrified about turning 21 in 6 months because I can buy alcohol and I’ll have a major issue with it. I mean I’ve gone as far as to shoplift booz just to get drunk. I’ve conveyed this fear to my therapist without much help. I just don’t know what to do. My stupid impulsive brain right?
You might be predisposed to an addictive personality. Do you suffer from schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder? Schizoaffective might explain the impulsiveness with doing drugs/shoplifting alcohol.
Just monitor yourself as best you can and take your meds, if prescribed any. And always come here when you’re feeling self destructive.
This is a great community of recovery from mental illness and a lot of people working their way toward it. Here, you can always find answers, a place to vent or a good laugh.
Ive been diagnosed major depressive and schizoaffective. Is it more prevelant (addictive personality) for SZA then SZ? Ive been keeping it in check for the most part maybe alcohol or rarely weed on some weekends. But I feel its because I’m not able to legally get either since I’m not 21. I’m just really scared for these next since months to pass.