I’m sza and my bipolar is acting up. I really need a group for this. I’m on lithium and I don’t know whether I’ve always been this irrational or if I’m just starting to realize it but the intensity of this problem is all new to me.
My friend said she thought C might be cheating because he didn’t come get me for a couple of weekends. His friends came over one weekend and he got busy and then overslept this weekend. I know he isn’t cheating but I did have a minor freak out over that one. I would definitely classify that as normal compared to what just happened. We don’t get to see each other every weekend. Life happens. That comment might have helped poke my paranioa into action, not that it needs much help.
I called C up to get his opinion on something but he just wanted to watch his youtube video and asked why I couldn’t just look it up. I had looked it up but I was still having problems. I got annoyed and just said goodbye and hung up. Then my brain decided that he was cheating. Then it decided that I am going to teach him and whatever ■■■■ he’s cheating with what ‘psycho ex’ means. I decided that I would key his car and shave her head if I caught them. There were a lot more thoughts but just visualize Ghengis Khan and you get the idea.
That’s not who I am, or at least not who I have been historically. I’ve always left gracefully. Any of the friends that I used to have can tell you. You just stop hearing from me one day. Everyone I have ever left or who has left me it has been very civil. Goodbye I miss you, good bye go to hell, or good bye hello goodbye hello.
I’m sorry for putting all this on here, I just needed somewhere to get it out before I can find someplace for that. I just want you guys to know though, I have never struck anyone in my life intending to harm them. I’ve struck out of fear, to get out of a fight, but I have never hit someone to hurt them. Even if he did cheat I would like to think I would find a better way to deal with it than this. If it helps, for me the worst thing he could to do me is cheat.
People like me are the reason that other people don’t use dating websites.
One of the major problems with lithium is that dosage often needs to be adjusted if the pt is subject to a lot of stress that upsets the equilibrium of the autonomic (“fight or flight”) nervous system. It sounds on the basis of what you posted that your system is pretty tilted into sympathetic pitch right now. Adding a second mood stabilizer might not be a bad idea. Lamictal lamotrigine is often good. Talk with your prescriber.
I’ve started over eating as heck too. I try to diet but not a day goes by when I don’t either freak out and eat my feelings or start thinking about sweets to the point that I just go eat them so that I can get on with my life.
I am, the only problem is I don’t go till Thursday In therapy I started to slowly unscrew the lid on the things I’ve been repressing for these 24 years and it didn’t go the way I thought it would. I imagined opening a jar and scooping it out. It was more like aggressively shaking a coke with mentos in it and then starting to unscrew that. I’m trying to find ways to cope between sessions.
I know I’ve said this before but I can’t get over your profile picture. Pusheen might just be the cutest thing in existence <3
I understand the feeling. And then some. When my boyfriend left me for another girl, I waited outside his dormitory with a baseball bat. Thankfully, one of my friends was able to talk me down before I saw him. Because I absolutely would have bashed his lying f*ckface skull in.
If you are feeling insecure in your relationship, talking it out with your partner might be a good thing. All good relationships need trust and open communication in order to work. It sounds like your reaction is more to close off and harbor resentment instead of voicing your problems.
It is, but it generally gets worked out. The problem is (or maybe the lack of a problem, I’m not sure where this one falls to be honest) that I want him to be front and center in this bi polar whirlwind. I want him to be right here in front of me or constantly calling or texting me so that I can get attention and feel love from him. His tactic when this comes up is avoidance. He said he wasn’t going to come get me if I ‘was in a mood already’. I completely understand this in an intellectual way. The best way to not engage in a fight is to not get in the ring. If I ask him again to tell me if he doesn’t love me or go through his phone because I want to see if he’s cheating on me it is going to start a fight. So basically I want to scream and him, have him hug me and cuddle me, and then scream at him again. He just doesn’t let that situation happen because he’s not the type to just let someone sit there and scream at him no matter how much he loves them.
We’ve been together for seven years. I get paranoid about him cheating but that’s about it. From what I hear that’s a pretty common delusion though. I already put him through that once. I know he isn’t but because of the way it is in my brain works I would definitely categorize it as at least somewhat of a delusion. It just gets egged on by all the ‘10 cheaters caught hilariously over text’ slideshows on facebook.
I like to hide my feelings and feel resentful because that’s how I’ve operated most of my life (when it wasn’t safe for me to express my feelings), but he always seems to somehow know something is wrong and he will drag it out of me and then we talk about it.
Wow that sounds like one hell of a dramatic relationship. Good for you guys for sticking with it for seven years. I know I sure couldn’t do that.
It is probably good that he isn’t willing to just sit there and let you scream at him. Setting boundaries is a key part of building a healthy relationship, especially for those of us with MI. If he knows he can’t handle that, and you respect his need to avoid screaming, that is great.
I understand that this will seem like some sort of thoughtless “slam dunk,” but DBT is the world’s most effective psychotherapy for a very good reason. If one stays at it, it works.
(I use it. I prescribe it. I teach it to people. I have guided numerous people through DBT workbooks for anxiety, depression, bipolar, semi-psychosis and PTSD. If you want the therapeutic Rolls-Royce; this is it.)
In therapy I started to slowly unscrew the lid on the things I’ve been repressing for these 24 years and it didn’t go the way I thought it would. I imagined opening a jar and scooping it out. It was more like aggressively shaking a coke with mentos in it and then starting to unscrew that. I’m trying to find ways to cope between sessions.
