I’m sza and my bipolar is acting up. I really need a group for this. I’m on lithium and I don’t know whether I’ve always been this irrational or if I’m just starting to realize it but the intensity of this problem is all new to me.
My friend said she thought C might be cheating because he didn’t come get me for a couple of weekends. His friends came over one weekend and he got busy and then overslept this weekend. I know he isn’t cheating but I did have a minor freak out over that one. I would definitely classify that as normal compared to what just happened. We don’t get to see each other every weekend. Life happens. That comment might have helped poke my paranioa into action, not that it needs much help.
I called C up to get his opinion on something but he just wanted to watch his youtube video and asked why I couldn’t just look it up. I had looked it up but I was still having problems. I got annoyed and just said goodbye and hung up. Then my brain decided that he was cheating. Then it decided that I am going to teach him and whatever ■■■■ he’s cheating with what ‘psycho ex’ means. I decided that I would key his car and shave her head if I caught them. There were a lot more thoughts but just visualize Ghengis Khan and you get the idea.
That’s not who I am, or at least not who I have been historically. I’ve always left gracefully. Any of the friends that I used to have can tell you. You just stop hearing from me one day. Everyone I have ever left or who has left me it has been very civil. Goodbye I miss you, good bye go to hell, or good bye hello goodbye hello.
I’m sorry for putting all this on here, I just needed somewhere to get it out before I can find someplace for that. I just want you guys to know though, I have never struck anyone in my life intending to harm them. I’ve struck out of fear, to get out of a fight, but I have never hit someone to hurt them. Even if he did cheat I would like to think I would find a better way to deal with it than this. If it helps, for me the worst thing he could to do me is cheat.
People like me are the reason that other people don’t use dating websites.