I have this (as many know) delusion where I believe I am in a brain study and that in my ‘other life’, I am a Trillionaire, Teacher of all subjects and World Savior. Ya, I know. Pretty far out. But…I try to set myself up to ‘dream’ about my beautiful palace or taking my kids in our private jet on a trip around the world or teaching Medicine or being an Ambassador for Peace and I end up having a dream of me and my ex-husband shopping for a used car.
Why can’t I design my dreams? Why can’t we all? Bummer.
Is that what you want your life to be like? Why can’t you work towards getting it of so?
Well, I am in school taking pre-req’s to try and get into a Diagnostic Medical Sonographer program but I don’t know how I could ‘work toward’ being a Teacher of all knowledge or the World Savior unless my delusions are true. In which case I am hypnotized and one day the study will end, I will no longer be blocked from my gift, and I will get my dream life (If I am not sacrificed)
In the meantime, I thought I would simply ‘dream’ about my beautiful life but I can’t get myself to do that. I always have regular olé’ dreams or, occasionally, a nightmare. Wish I could choose my dreams.
@47average, you say that you really hope that your delusion passes, but you cling to it so hard. I don’t want to say something that will hurt or upset you, but I have a difficult time imagining you getting better when you’re so invested in your other life.
Please consider this - part of what medication does is give us the chance to fight for our sanity. Right now, it seems like you’re fighting against that chance.
I hear what you are saying so let me rephrase what I originally said "I wish I could dream whatever I want’
Wanting to have amazing dreams (believe it or not) does not conflict with my desire to get rid of my delusion. If I wanted to keep it, I would say so, so no worries on upsetting me. I actually WOULD want to keep it if it weren’t for the fear of being tortured/sacrificed as part of the brain study. After all, I function just fine in the world. I would be happy if it went away but I’d still love to dream all the best parts of my delusion or anything else I wanted to dream. Sucks that I can’t.
I honestly understand. Just try to take a step back and consider how much time you spend detailing your delusion and talking about your belief in it.
I was in the same place for a while with mine - mine was absolutely awful but I couldn’t stop thinking or talking about it or living in it in my mind. I had to learn to challenge it every time I thought of it, to push it away, to talk about how I didn’t believe it when I talked about it at all. I had to give more than equal time to the truth, even though the truth was nowhere near as compelling.
Anyway, I honestly get it. But if you want it to let go of you, you have to let go of it, too. Even (especially) the good parts.
I appreciate your (what I am sure is) sincere concern. I don’t know how it was with you, but for me it is very cyclical and I am in the very beginning stages. If you remember back to when it was all consuming then you will empathize with where I am and understand why it isn’t a snap f the fingers situation. With utmost respect I have a tdoc, a pdoc and meds. I tell them everything. I go to school FT and have a 3.8 GPA. I am functioning in the world outside my delusion. This is the place for me to ‘talk about it’ and I am at the ‘talk about it’ stage. I certainly can restrain (for fear of reaction) myself from talking about it (on here) but it will still take the same amount of time to go away because it’s a head thing. If getting rid of a delusion simply meant don’t talk about it, we would all be cured. Having said all that, I would still love to control my dreams. It would be great to dream about anything I want.
Okay. I’m not saying not to talk about it. I’m just saying that part of the job of getting better is holding yourself responsible for challenging it.