I know you guys will think this is just a delusion, but hear me out…
My mind made a thing
Much stronger than itself
Which isn’t just in my mind anymore
And can hurt me mentally and physically
And I think it can hurt others if it wants to.
Though it at first seems absurd, this is a result of a really complicated thinking process, and it makes sense the more I think about it.
This scares me, of course, and makes me feel guilty. The worst thing is, I recently lost it. I know some things about it, as I made it, but I don’t know if it’s changed. I could only tell anything from feeling it when it hurt me or brushed past me, as I can’t see it. I haven’t felt it in a while, and I think it may have put my friend’s mum in hospital, as that was when it left me. I haven’t felt it since (though I don’t know if it’s been near me).
Obviously this is either true or it isn’t, and I’m sure you will all claim it’s all in my head. I guess what I’m looking for is some kind of logical disproof, or something that would better explain my experiences. Even similar experiences of people diagnosed with MI would be very helpful, as it is more likely to convince me that this isn’t real (if it isn’t)…
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Another user recently had a similar delusion. It is a very common reaction when someone you care about ends up in the hospital. When the people we love are hurt, it makes us feel helpless. So we try to find a way to control the situation. In your case, this led to you believing that you created an entitity that hurt her, because the idea that the universe is just a random place where bad things can happen to our loved ones is much scarier. But the truth is, you didn’t cause this. You can’t fix it. But there are things you can do to help you feel more in control. You can support your friend. You can offer to help out with chores while their mom is in he hospital. Addressing the root cause of the delusion might help make it go away.
I struggle with a similar delusion whenever someone I love gets sick. I believe I am a demon who is sucking the life force out of them to sustain myself. But it is all a delusion.
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Thank you for your solution, I’m sure that will help me.
However, I did already think there was something there before this happened. I had also been convinced that it COULD hurt other people, but wasn’t going to. I didn’t feel in control of it, but thought it was staying away from others out of sentimentality for its maker’s (my) feelings.
Now I can’t feel it anymore I’m more worried about what it might be doing.
This is strange because I know it seems out of the realms of possibility, and I don’t have any kind of gut feeling that it’s real, it’s just the only thing that I feel makes logical sense. From my experience that makes it the most likely option, and I very much dislike that.
When we are stuck in delusions, our senses and rationality warp in a way that makes our delusions seem more logical to us. You are not thinking logically at the moment. That’s not meant as an insult. None of us are thinking logically when we are struggling with a delusion.
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That’s a rather dubious claim. Also makes me wonder why I outperformed neurotypicals on graduate level logic exams while psychotic. Fortunately, there’s research on this.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/282743300_Reasoning_in_schizophrenia_Review_and_analysis_from_the_cognitive_perspective
I’m sorry, I should have been more clear. I didn’t mean we are incapable of any logical thought at all, just that we develop a blind spot to logic where our delusions are concerned.
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If you are convinced this thing exists, then it does in some fashion. It is your reality at least for the time being.
Can you befriend it our find a way to control it so it does no harm?
Thanks for believing me @barrister
It’s much stronger than me physically, and larger. I also know very little useful about it. So I’m not sure I could control it.
As for befriending it, I have no idea what it wants. I used to think it thought of me almost as a pet, but one day I was thinking about whether I could destroy it, and I think it may have heard me. I haven’t felt it since, but it could be punishing me by hurting others.
Perhaps if I apologise and beg for it to come back, maybe it will stop?
I am not saying this thing exists (how would I know) but for the moment it is real to you. Talk to your pdoc about maybe adjusting your meds. When I was psychotic I was threatened by different malevolent entities I believed existed. I’m no longer psychotic now so I don’t believe in them. What helped was reminding myself that I was master of my own universe and therefore they could not be a threat to me or anyone else.
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I realise you weren’t agreeing with me that it exists, but you at least have a similar outlook on reality to me, and that in itself is encouraging.
That would be a little easier if I had one xD
No one knows who to refer me to as I’m 17.
Is this like that Tulpa thing? Idk if I believe in that, but I wish you the best of luck with your delusion. I had something just like that in the past.
Huh. I guess it is…
Thanks ((:
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I don’t want to say that it’s all in your head because I, and nobody else but you, knows exactly what you’re feeling; however, hallucinations can include being able to feel things that aren’t necessarily there. But of course, who really knows whether or not these things are really happening or if they are in fact “all in you’re head.” I hope you find a way to get rid of the dark in your life soon
-Mouse 
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Zombie thread. My canned reply isn’t loading, so long story short, leave inactive threads alone.