I have sunk into a deep depression now. Can’t wait for wedn to maybe see pdoc. Want to phone tomorrow .meanwhile my husband trying to cheer me up but nothing works.i wish I could snap out of it but I can’t. All my energy and will to live is gone. The thought of leaving tears me to pieces maybe I should stay. Hope pdoc has answers or help me. I’m on high dose of citalopram 30mg and still feel bad but it’s this marriage stress that’s getting to me I think. But why now? Hubby doesn’t know what to do with me and he doesn’t understand why I’m so down and nor do i. I feel so dead. All that hypomania seems to be gone. Last night I went to bed early im .spent… Sleep is a better place but morning has come and I have to make breakfast I’m hungry.i don’t know how to carry on. Have I relapsed? I don’t know.
I’m sorry you’re going through this right now. Hopefully your doc will be able to offer a solution. Have you told your husband about your thoughts?
Yes he knows to some degree. Says if I leave him what will it benefit me and what did he do wrong etc. It’s so sad!
I really feel like you and your husband are in a state of codependency because you do a lot for him, not because you’re happy.
And he’s trying to keep you there
That does sound sad. I’m really sorry to hear it. How are you feeling today, has anything changed?
@Pikasaur yes I am codependent on my husband and he on me. EG we can’t drive alone because he could have a seizure and I don’t have my driver’s licence yet. So we go everywhere together. I think our relationship is too close and unhealthy but I don’t know if there’s much to do about it.
@anon44466342 thank you, I walked to the flea market today (alone this time) and tried to cheer me up shopping for books and scarves so it helped a bit but the issue is still there of course. I try to tell myself stay with hubby stay with him as I love him so much, but part of me wants out as I feel claustrophobic. I want to be free but at the moment I’m just living in luxury cage with my books and coffee and pets and music to provide diversion. We go shopping and to beach or dr appointments or bank etc but other than that we’re at home.
Is it better than negative symptoms? I was told I don’t depression but I always feel like ■■■■ due to severe negative symptoms.
Being creative can help to combat depression, so colouring in or painting, or writing a poem, stuff like that can help you to cope.
But if all else fails, just stop fighting it. Stop trying to feel better and let yourself feel worse. Your husband can help you by being there without judgement, by holding your hand and sharing in your experience. He doesn’t have to cheer you up. Sometimes the only way out is through.
I’m sorry you feel this way. Maybe you could watch a movie on DVD, something cheerful, or something engrossing that will distract you. Just a thought. Tell your pdoc what you’re going through and see if he will work with you on medications. Remember the crisis lines if things get worse, and don’t be afraid to sound off here.
Well, that’s it. Gonna leave a box of (((hugs))) open for you as well. Take as many as you need @Hadeda.
Thanks guys for your kind words! 
How are you feeling today? Any noticeable change?
Hi @Andrey thank you for asking, I appreciate your care! Yes I’m feeling better and hubby and I a bit more easier now.
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