Dating a girl - emotional confusion

Hey, guys!

I’m dating a girl and at the beginning things were great. We had passion and connection but now I"m feeling that my heart is closed to her and to the world. We’re just dating but we call each other of love. It’s not congruent because we’re not in a relationship. We’re just dating and knowing each other. I already met her family amd they like me.

The thing is: I’m having some emotional issues because I’m dating her. I can’t express myself freely anymore. I feel I’m very stifled. She is sleeping beside me right now and I want to have a conversation with her. A conversation about our relationship.

I have some things to decide about my life yet. I’m discovering myself. I’m planning to start working at any job in order to have a better clarification of what my purpose is. I have also the limiting belief that, if I don’t have a purpose, I shouldn’t have a girlfriend. But I also think I should be okay with not having a purpose.


Most folk around here will kill to be in your position so let me get that out of the way quickly.

Relationships are hard if you don’t know yourself and what you want. It’s no point being half assed with things. You like this girl? Do you want to spend time with her? These things are easily answered.

Yeah it’s good to have goals…but don’t throw away what you have unless necessary and you have some new plans. For schizophrenia lonliness is probably the worse social symptom we have!

Be true to yourself and your friend! Figure out what you want and what you need and move from there. There’s no true/false rules here…but people do get upset!


I want to stay with her, even more because she likes me and we have good sex. To be in my position isn’t so hard. You just need to use Tinder, Happn, be certain of yourself and hang out to meet girls.


Well you need to learn what a relationship is about…

Depends on the person but sometimes it’s all about sharing and caring. Sometimes it’s all about listening. It’s a complex thing between persons.

Glad your doing well. As I say, most round here would kill to have such experiences. Your confident that is great and you’ll reap the benefit…

Wait till your 47 and living with your parents on a disability pension. Makes tinder even a hard thing to get a grip upon!

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It’s good to want a purpose but it’s not necessary. If you care about and love this girl I believe you should stay with her

But why can’t you express yourself freely?

You said “It’s not congruent because we’re not in a relationship. We’re just dating and knowing each other.” That’s why it is not working because you don’t have a relationship with her.

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I think most because of this lack of congruency. She once told me she is not prepared for a relationship but she calls me love. It kind makes me confused.

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Luiz can u Work full time in job… are u into animation or graphic design…


I’m not in animation neither Graphic Design. Yes, I can work in a full-time job.2

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less worry more snugs :smile:


Thank you, @anon31257746 :D!

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Sounds like she is only looking to have some fun…

Yeah I’m thinking the same thing.

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I don’t think so. She asked me to go steady. I accepted it.

From everthing your saying here, the 2 of you are what we call around here F’ buddies.

Simply having casual sex. A common agreement that two are just using each other for sex.

That is not how it always works out, right? The old friends-with-benifits thing?

Your emotionally attached because of spending time together outside of sex.(met her parents)

I would be wanting to have a talk in your situation too. This has thrown you emotionally off balance.

It is sex masquarading as love and a relationship if you are spending time with her outside the bedroom.

You might have to stop spending time with her other than your bedroom to separate the exspected emotional aspect (love and friendship).

Also consider she may have changed her mind about a sex only thing.

If you like the relationship or just the sex, either way, you know it will be time to leave her alone if - you feel she is just leading you on and never takes interest in developing a real romance.

If she is never willing to meet your family, move-in, talk about the future, (your future together as a couple), then you have your answer.

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Thanks, @macy! We have already known each other’s family, but we enjoy sex a lot. I like to know how she is doing and I care about her (even during sex I care about her). It’s not just about sex, but also about intimacy. What was driving me crazy was the ambiguity in our relationship. We treated each other as if in a relationship but we weren’t. Now things are clear because we had a conversation.

I think also that my emotional confusion wasn’t just about my relationship. I want to drop college in order to work (I don’t believe on college system). I was unsure if it was better to go to college, get good grades and go to work or just go work, invest on professional improvement (I want to work as a translator, so I would invest on English classes) and go for my objectives with no college.

You really don’t need to have a purpose. or a dream.

When I have intense symptoms, I worry about finding my purpose, a deeper meaning, I feel empty but all go away on the right medication.

Set very small goals for yourself and try to achieve them. One thing leads to another and before you know it, one day you’ll have some purpose.

Your purpose also could be to be in a good relationship. If you like the girl and she likes you, you really have not much to lose. Just chill a little and have fun.

You can have a job or study whether you are in a relationship or not.

Nothing wrong if you met her parents either.


That’s inspiring @mermaid1!


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