Dangerous depression

I feel worse every time I’m reminded of the fact that I’m human.

It seems every day I’m reminded of some way in which I’m inadequate to someone somewhere. I suppose the human I disappoint most frequently is myself. I’m not thin enough, pretty enough, young enough, smart enough, ambitious enough, sweet enough, personable enough. Those are my deficits. I’m too moody, too bitchy, too needy, too clingy, too fat, too immature, too irresponsible, too lazy. Those are my excesses.

I feel this darkness inside me all the time, and it leaks out and keeps people at a distance. I’m scared all the time. I feel the fight or flight response activating within me, but I have nowhere to run, and no strength to fight. I’m cutting again, and I thought I’d “outgrown” that, but it’s all that makes me feel better.

I see a psychiatrist in 14 days. I start a new job in 2. How do I survive?

-catchme

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Oh hang in there @catchme
See if you can see your pdoc sooner
I’m sorry that you are going through such a difficult time.
If the cutting continues or gets out of hand don’t hesitate to go to the ER.

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I feel you in every way but you always gotta look at the bright side of things and if there is no bright side I believe someday you will find that bright sunny and happy day and you will over come whatever is going on. Right now I’m in a dark place but I see a tunnel with light and I’m staying strong to keep that light in my view even though I’m so negative and don’t like to see the bright side of things at times it’s always good to think there is going to be good days in our life that will change our life’s forever so don’t bring your self down that’s the worst feeling ever when you can’t think something good about your self. I know its hard as a motha fu*ka but if you give yourself some type of hope you start to believe there will be good in your life. You’re a beautiful human being don’t ever forget that you were brought to this world for a reason and only God can judge you. I might not know you but I love you already and if you need anything message me maybe I could help you.

I think part of SZ is we blame ourselves for everything and carry a burden of guilt that most don’t have to. Depression just amplifies it even more.

But why do we feel so guilty and feel like we’ve done something horribly wrong and we know we haven’t but it just makes it seem like we have and we take the blame and it just keep reminding us over and over to the point where u just loose feeling emotions and every little joy we have just dies :frowning:

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Not sure why, I blame myself for things that happened as a child that I have no control over, At times I can dismiss it other times I just can’t let go. Add that people who have a mental illness, most people don’t understand it so they avoid it, so even those who are friends pull away, which adds to the isolation and guilt.

damn I feel you it sucks to go through this it’s nice to have someone that can relate about this things but not cool at all. Sometimes isolation could be the best thing I’d rather be alone most of the time but it’s nice to also have someone to talk to about things and not get so detached with life.

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You are a unique special human being with a lot to give
Please love yourself…