Dancing & men & fear

I want to brag! And share! And ask for help!

I started dancing argentine tango.

I have a major issue with fear and avoidance. Social fear, fear of men, fear of touch, fear of failure. Dance is something i love, but it terrifies me too, cause it combines all the above fears.

Now i just started a much higher course in tango last week. All is new - even a new dance partner i didnt know. I was SO scared, but proud.

Despite the fear i started to enjoy it last week. I even loved to be physically close to this guy, strangely. Strangers scare me normally, i hate them touching me. I think he is sweet and cute and odd in a way i like. He is probably at least 5 years my junior. But i felt a bit flirty. I was very shy, insecure and awkward. Im 37 and felt like a teen. He is single. But i cant possibly flirt with him.

So…now…help! Now what? I have to dance with this guy for at least 10 or 12 more weeks.

Im confused and feel weird about it, and a bit excited too.


It is normal
Dont feel it strange feeling
Have nice time

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Sounds fun!

Don’t put so much pressure on yourself and try to have a good time.

Just focus on the dancing,

I’m sure things will work out!

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Nothings stopping you but yourself.

Your post all but screams that you want to ask him out.

Have fun, and ask him out.

I double dog dare you!

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Thanks for the encouragement.

It feels funny…I didnt feel like wanting to be this close to a man for ages. Im afraid he noticed i felt attracted to him. How can I flirt without having him think im weird?

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Haha oh no…I wouldnt dare do that! Even just dancing and touching someone is a big step. I think i indeed focus on the dancing like goldenrex says. If i still feel like this towards the end of the lessons and i feel he is open to it, i might ask him to have a drink somewhere, in as neutral a way as possible. After finding out his age. He might even be 10 years or so younger.

My brother is dating an older woman. She’s athletic and they have frequent sex.

Its not my thing, but if its that man’s you’ll never get to know until you ask him out.

To me it seem like you’re doing great anyway, so you’re bound to land a guy eventually, just make sure you’re progressing towards your goals.

Intimacy and fear are pretty common problems, and I figure you’re gonna miss out if you don’t try.

Thanks…also for saying i seem to do well. I still have loads of issues, but im feeling way better than a few years back. :slight_smile: How are you?

Im not sure of his age, but he seems quite young. I have an ex that was much younger, so i might indeed try. I dont necessarily want a guy…Im kind of okay without. But it might be worth it to try and see. Slowly and carefully though. I just met him, he might be an ■■■■■■■ or might find me a crazy old lady.

I think you should ask a girl like u
I searched my mind i havent a good advice for you :blush::blush::blush:
Sorry for that

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Thanks!! No sorries needed.

We danced again. It was fun. I love the dancing. I like the guy too. He offered to drive me to the station, so we chatted a bit privately. :slight_smile: He isnt superhandsome or so (not ugly either), but somehow i genuinely love being close to him. Still awkward and shy though.

He asked now by text whether i arrived home safely. And i noticed i was kind of hoping it was him. Im also not capable of hiding emotions so the whole tango club probably sees me radiating that i have a crush. Help!

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ahhh so romntic… enjoy i love you do great be fabulous gently be with him
men are fragile

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I found out the guy is indeed 10 years younger. Though I haven’t got any hard proof of it, I dont feel he sees me in a romantic way, which seems logical considering the age gap (which he knew before we were introduced). He is fun to dance and chat with though. Now just to get over the mini-crush and enjoy the dancing.

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You never know he might really like u back…

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Thanks… Im not actively going after him, but we will see!

Ask him if he’d like to rent a Motel room and do some ‘ballroom dancing’ with you.


Ask him out for a casual drink this weekend. I think he likes you as well. Good luck, whatever you choose! :slightly_smiling_face:

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I think you’re head over heals for this dude!

:musical_note: What a feeling!! :musical_note:



Please, tell me you are still dancing!


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Haha, yes, i danced again yesterday!

I enjoy the dancing more and more. In a few lessons I think I improved and got used to this new guy, so that it is more fun to do and I’m much less frightened. The guy complimented me on my dancing, jeej. I’m quite sure he is not interested in me though, and my mini-crush is subsiding as well. Maybe part of it was also the excitement of the new dancing, the being close to a guy again. So I’m not asking him out. Just the dancing, no romance… :wink: