Schizophrenia.com

Damned if I do, damned if I don't

#1

I have paranoid schizophrenia but I’ve never heard voices. I’ve heard several people who hear voices state that when the voices are quiet sometimes, that they can’t handle it. Or you guys claim you would miss them or be lonely if they disappeared. I tend to have the same situation with paranoia, my main positive symptom. I have a fear of about anybody. My first reaction to anybody is I think they want to harm me. I don’t even consciously realize I have this fear all the time. To, me, every situation in public is WW III, everybody seems like they are dangerous and a threat to me. But I get epiphanies, sometimes where I see people are just people. They are not all looking for trouble or a fight. At least the majority aren’t. But sometimes when I come to this realization, it is overwhelming to me. It is such a physical and mental relief or letdown that it makes me feel weak, and that to live without paranoia would be TOO big a change. It would take a tremendous re-structuring of my belief system. It would change how I operate in life. It’s ironic and sad.

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#2

its not sad i have it too i think its paranoia mixed with anxiety try to be compassionate to yourself its not your fault your sick your not sad sending hugsx

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#3

my negative voices are still on vacation , i thought like you it would be difficult with the change , but it is freeing…and you get used to it pretty fast, i hope they don’t come back !
i see people as a threat , but as i have been told by my pyschologist it is a mix of paranoia and the sexual abuse, you see everyone as if they are going to attack you, so i do understand.
which for me is ’ ironic ’ because i am not a small person and ’ fill ’ doorways.
but no one said this illness is logical or makes sense !?
take care

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#4

Wow. :boom: :boom: There it is. It’s not that I LIKE my voices. It’s not that I would be lonely without them. It’s the fact that in their own sad way, they help me navigate my head. They are my indicator of when to leave a meeting. They are how I function. It’s not that I LIKE living with them, I just am not sure I’m ready to live without them.

@77nick77 Thank you for that revelation. That is something huge to ponder and if I get brave enough, act on.

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#5

I’m kind of moderate type of you but because before illness I was optimistic(relatively) now with meds that cure paranoia I feel relaxed.

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