I think back on the episodes of psychosis and I’m just like damn! I can’t believe that was was there or I did that. I have some stories.
My brain is in rough shape
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God damn this ■■■■ is ruthless.
I do the same thing. Once my voices convinced me to leave the house and tell my wife goodbye forever. She thought I meant something drastic and drove after me. I didn’t know what I was going to do, I just know the voices had me by the balls and I had hoped doing what they told me (aside from harm) might lead to them going away.
It did not work. My wife and I cried together and I apologized. Eventually I stopped listening to the voices, but it was hard because they are smarter than me. Just medication for me. And time. And self forgiveness.
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I wanted my husband dead when I was psychotic. I still feel bad about it.
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hey,
Yeah it’s hard to think back on it…I went psychotic in a workplace of 300 or so people…and a cricket club of another 75. It was a real mess and either though I went back…i just had to walk away from both for a while…Just couldn’t reconcile any of that weirdness and felt so embarassed!
I’m glad I went back though…that helped me get better in the long run!
A friend in the struggle,
rogueone.
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Thanks rogue one
Reconcile is a word that comes up for me a lot lately.
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I’ve pretty much dropped out of society having been floridly psychotic in front of too many people too often, even though I’m more in control now I cannot bring myself to be around others, only very little very rarely. The fear of myself and the way I can become is too great. I lead a very isolated life. Yeah, I have some stories too. This illness can be very destructive in many ways. I feel for you man, it’s a hell of a thing to live with.
I drank a lot last night as a plan to have my wife feel better about me drinking, but instead I blacked out and said the most horrible things. The only positive was that I passed out after only an hour of being with her, but the damage was already done. Now I feel horrible about it and my wife feels terrible. Such a bad idea. Atleast we didn’t fight
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When I first became psychotic I had the delusion of being God. Then it became the delusion of being the Devil. Now it has become the “delusion” of my being a loser destined for torment in hell. I hold onto hope that I can have a nice afterlife if there is one, and this keeps me going. I haven’t really shown my psychosis to others, I hide it well except for a point in my life where I would burst into laughter. At least that doesn’t really happen anymore.
We did some drinking too last night. Ended up fighting. Slept alone, he was on the couch. I feel terrible this morning about whatever was said.
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Uh, drinking to the point of blacking out is a classical indicator of alcoholism! You may want to reconsider drinking, especially if you are on meds.
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Yeah, I have only been drinking occasionally but after last night I’ve committed myself to stop entirely.
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Yeah, it’s kind of weird for me to think back 37 years ago when I was psychotic in my first group home. Every day was a crisis, Everything was life or death and my racing thoughts made my brain feel like it was on fire. And I was that way for a year, but of course it was all in my head.
But it was strange driving past the group home where this happened a few years after I moved out and my reaction looking at the house was, “What was all the fuss about.?” It was just an old nondescript house in a lower middle class neighborhood. But while I was there, I thought a million things were happening every day.And when I thought about it, the reality was that nothing happened there. I slept , I ate, I went for walks, I watched TV, I played pool. And that was it. But while I was living there it felt like World War Three every day just to survive.
I felt a similar sensation in my brain when I was psychotic. It would crackle like it was on fire.
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