Cutting the apron strings

My mother has finally agreed to let me move out of the house and I think I’ll be really happy about it. For most of the time we’ve lived here, I was never really happy anyway. Ever since the ice storm of '98, this house has been a sinking ship. I hate to complain and place blame, but if my parents had bothered to care for us emotionally, maybe things wouldn’t have gotten so bad. It’s a bit scary, but I think being on my own will be so liberating. Keeping up with my mother’s demands is so draining and I’m losing motivation. Good-bye, Ma-ma!

You may find some comfort to support your decision making at, as well as in the widely available 12 Step meetings of Co-dependents Anonymous, which in most places I have visited, seems to be a haven for folks with severe psychiatric disorders and problems with over-controlled, under-supportive and/or confusing parents. I strongly endorse perusing that website to see how much help there is on it for people with the kind of circumstances you described in your post.

Further, a personal history that includes demanding parents has been strongly correlated to sz etiology since Freud’s day. One can Google (and use respected authors like Theodore Lidz, Stephen Fleck, Aaron Esterson, Ronald D. Laing, Gregory Bateson, Donald D. Jackson, Murray Bowen and Jules Henry, all of whom wrote about the “crazy-making” families of sz pts fifty and more years ago. It was hugely de-shaming for me to read what they all had to report from direct observation of those families at the same time I was a kid.

Bateson, G., Jackson, D., Haley, J.; et al: Perceval’s Narrative: A Patient’s Account of his Psychosis, Palo Alto, CA: Stanford University Press, 1961. Etiology of schizophrenia.

Esterson, A.: The Leaves of Spring: Schizophrenia, Family and Sacrifice, London: Tavistock, 1972.

Henry, J.: Pathways to Madness, New York: Random House, 1965.

Jackson, D. (ed.): The Etiology of Schizophrenia: Genetics / Physiology / Psychology / Sociology, London: Basic Books, 1960.

Laing, R. D.; Esterson, A.: Sanity, Madness and the Family, London: Tavistock, 1964.

Lidz, T.: The Origin and Treatment of Schizophrenic Disorders, New York: Basic Books, 1973.

Lidz, T.; Fleck, S., Cornelison, A.: Schizophrenia and the Family, 2nd Ed.; New York: International Universities Press, 1985.

I wish you good luck. My partner needs to learn this “cutting of the apron strings” too and she’s not the mentally ill person in our relationship.

I tried CODA meetings, but I don’t think they really helped. What I do know is, this has gone on long enough and I have to let her fend for herself. She’s the real co-dependent I think, because most days she doesn’t even brush her teeth. I just wish she would live her own life and stop obsessing about this house, like myself, my brother and my Dad have been and were telling her for years. I’m surprised that she has never been in the psych ward herself, because with the way she isolates herself, sometimes not leaving the house for months on end. One codependent trait I have is that I do care too much about other people and I need a sense of ownership. The car would still be in her name and we’d have to get rid of the cat, but like I said, this has gone on for too long.

Jesus ■■■■ you are a shrink

You even made a references section in APA format for a post on a nutcase chat room.

You are a shrink come clean I’ve been asking where you learned this crap and you’ve been ignoring me