Cutting people out

Im starting to get hooked on the idea of just cutting people out of my life as much as possible if they make me feel uncomfortable. Is this a bad idea?

It started with my Dad where I feel like he was borderline mentally abusive to me , and I feel so much happier without him.

I also had a friend who is really argumentative and boastful who I just find easier not engaging with and staying away from. He was really nice to me when I first had my breakdown 15 years ago, so I feel a bit bad, but honestly I just feel so angry at him for a certain situation involving his ex (which I won’t go into now). I started having intrusive thoughts around him and I had to just stop hanging out with him because I felt so disorientated by the thoughts.

Now, I have another friend who is really critical and judgmental of others that I don’t really know if I want to be friends with…

Its not like I will never see these friends ever again, I just want to keep time spent at events where they are to a minimum. It seems better to not have to spend time around them than to be uncomfortable.

Is this a bad idea or is this setting boundaries for myself?

6 Likes

Maybe just take a break?

2 Likes

It sounds like setting boundaries.

Yoy are not required to keep contact with anyone that makes you feel bad or uncomfortable.

6 Likes

Boundaries are healthy. Everyone should work on setting boundaries. They’re good for us

1 Like

If they take a lot more than they give I would try to get away too.

4 Likes

This is why maintaining friends is such hard work and I have not even bothered with them for years

2 Likes

I think it’s good. But it reminds me of this gal I know who every time a friend or family member gives her honest feedback on her drug addiction or alcoholism, her crappy parenting or tells her no when she asks for a handout she flies into a rage and verbally attacks them and “cuts them out” of her life because they are fair weather friends.

2 Likes

Probably a good idea to remove abusive and toxic people from your life. Or minimize contact with them at least. Suggest trying to replace them with healthier relationships so you have a support network to rely on.

4 Likes

Cutting people out is a double-edged sword sometimes (no pun intended :sweat_smile:).

It’s healthy to place distance between oneself and those who don’t respect you or your boundaries.

But sometimes, it can become an unhealthy coping mechanism, or even the beginning signs of a mental health situation if you get all willy-nilly with it— ie: isolation, anti-social behavior, etc. (guilty of this myself).

It’s gotten to the point for me that I don’t even bother trying to make new acquaintances because somebody ends up leaving.

3 Likes

I wanted to cut people off too including parents and family but i couldn’t.

I feel uncomfortable around my father and family.

I changed names and was going to move away and be all by myself but i couldn’t.

I’m not independent enough and when they called I answered the phone.

I love them and there are moments where I’m not uncomfortable but mostly I’m uncomfortable.

I’m not uncomfortable around all of them i don’t think just most of them.

To feel so uncomfortable around your own father but it’s a complicated n difficult relationship.
I said I love them unconditionally but it can be difficult to be around people your uncomfortable with most of the time.

Like the supress me and don’t value n love me much or truly .

My dad said I’m fat and don’t deserve my fur babies and good things etc

He did things to me I won’t mention here now.

I want to set boundaries and not accept people treating me down n saying I’m loser etc but i can’t.

I can’t argue with these people either.

I just keep quiet because there’s no arguing with my dad for instance .

It hurts me but I think it is as it is and I forgive the person who isn’t even sorry n I love unconditionally.

Unfortunately that means the bad behaviour continues.

The bad behaviour continues but i can’t break contact and i can’t speak up.

They trashed me and fat shamed me when we visited my fur baby .
My cellulites were very noticed and spot lighted and I was suppressed and trashed as less than them and they have hierarchy beliefs and think I’m beneath them and lowest of low.

I don’t agree.

My dad and I can share a laugh which can be incredibly precious moments.

They may have gone to university but what life experience do they have and what eorld view etc do they have to be stuck up and think they are so superior.

Naaa I endure when it’s uncomfortable, love unconditionally and forgive those who are not sorry.

I love love love my family but it’s difficult n complicated.

2 Likes

I think you should always have a mind for the possibility to make new friends. I don’t have many friends, but a few times my intuition has told me to get aquainted with people and it hasn’t let me down. If you feel there is mutual respect and you get along well and have a few things in common it’s usually a good basis for friendship. I haven’t really made a friend I see on a regular basis in almost 15 years though…it gets harder the older you get.

Got colleagues at work that I get along with, but none that I see outside of work so far.

1 Like

I’ve learned that cutting out toxic and abusive people is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. The flip side, is I have learned to set boundaries instead of completely removing some people who aren’t necessarily toxic, but have traits that really bother me. I think for some people, I have to weigh if I want to be friends with them if they have values or habits that bother me, and generally speaking I have found that limiting time with them by a certain amount is the healthiest option for me. Setting that boundary where if they don’t respect my time then they don’t get my time has been huge for improving my relationships with them and others.

Now, if someone is being toxic and abusive then they don’t have to go home, but they can’t stay here.

4 Likes

This is a hard one for me too :frowning:

I tend to hold on to folks who aren’t necessarily worth all my time as there’s been conflict between our personality styles and values. I’ve had to set boundaries with the amount of my time I give to these people. This is easier said than done though, but it’s necessary and the bare minimum I can do for my health.

2 Likes

I’m not someone who enjoys being around other people. Going shopping or eating in a restaurant surrounded by strangers literally makes my skin crawl. It is more tolerable for me when I am with people who share my interests (e.g. photography), but even then I can only take limited exposure.

That being said.

We need some exposure to others. I’ve gotten worse when I cut myself off completely. I have seen the same happen to many others. I think the optimal strategy is to surround yourself with a select number of quality people in your immediate vicinity. Also make sure that you are exposing yourself to groups of strangers occasionally as well, otherwise your social skills and overall health will degrade more than if you had isolated.

My 2 cents as someone who wishes everyone else would @#$% off.

2 Likes

I think i tend to cut people out when I’m depressed. And seek friendship when I’m feeling mentally healthy…so as my health changes my desire changes. I think it’s best to keep a balance…have a social life but not make your social life the center of everything.

Once again comes down to balance…

2 Likes