Crying and feeling life

Timing. You probably can’t force yourself to cry. I have been having problems this past year. A bad back, constant fatigue, personal problems and paranoid schizophrenia. Sometimes I have a nagging feeling that my survival is doubtful. I am becoming aware of the world around me that I missed out on for most of my life and its a mixed blessing. Pretty overwhelming. But rewarding. As I go through all this bad stuff, the littlest (or the biggest) positive incident is that much sweeter (to quote @Jayster) and rewarding.

But sometimes my fall in life hits me in the gut and the heart and it is very painful to me. And that feeling is strong. But experiencing and acknowledging that pain is a release, much like crying or anger. Sometimes just letting myself feel strong emotions in the moment is a necessary part of living. But I learned I can’t force it. I feel it and then I buck up and get back to the business of life. But feeling the pain makes me more human then I already am.

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