Crisis center, hospital, home

So two nights ago I went in to the crisis center again, only this time I had fresh cuts. I was having very strong command hallucinations to end my life. The process at the crisis center went the same as the other times I had been only this time while I was talking to the consoler he left to go “grab my file” and as soon as he walked out the nurse and a security guard walked in. They gave me an ultimatum, I could voluntarily go and get seen at the ER or they were going to put me on a hold. Well I obviously decided to go voluntary.

Next thing I knew we had transferred to the ER and I had to stay the night to wait to get evaluated by the psychologist. I got to call my mother and had one of the worst conversations to date I’ve had with her. In her own words she said “Stop trying to convince people you have schizophrenia, you don’t, you have borderline.” That was very hurtful and invalidating. Worst sleep of my life, being in the busy ER I think I got maybe 3 hours total. In the morning it took them till 1pm to finally evaluate me, and of course I knew all the right things to say, I couldn’t afford to be hospitalized so I had to leave. I convinced them to let me go and just like that around 3pm they let me go.

Unfortunately upon returning home I really started to regret my decision of faking my way out of the hospital. I cried to the point of throwing up, the voices were getting worse and I had no power against them. That night was also really rough, I was home alone and ended up cutting again for the second night in a row.

Now fast forward to today, I called and managed to get an appointment with my psychiatrist. I think I am going to ask to be put back on Haldol. I remember that really quieted the voices back when I was hospitalized in July, it just had unpleasant side effects. Do you think the side effects are worth it if I can finally get some peace? I’m pretty nervous for this appointment, I’m also hoping to switch mood stabilizers.

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I would say yes, side effects are worth it if you get control of such horrible and distressing symptoms. I hope things work out better for you soon x

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I would say yes also.
It’s worth going back on Haldol if it was helping you so much.
Glad your seeing your psychiatrist soon.
Take care of yourself.

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I’m sorry you have been having such a rough time, and that your mother isn’t being supportive. It doesn’t matter what label the doctors give you. You are someone in need of professional help. People with borderline personality disorder need access to care just as much as people with schizophrenia. You’re not stealing resources from the “real” sick people. There is no hierarchy of who is most deserving of proper mental health care. Everybody deserves whatever level of care they need to become functional.

I hope your appointment with your psychiatrist is helpful. Even if you don’t want to go back on haldol, there are dozens of other meds to try that might work with fewer side effects. The genesight dna text might help you narrow down the list to things that will work best. It’s only shown itself to be about 70% accurate, but it might be better than just trial and error.

It took me about 14 years, but I now have a medication regimen that takes away my hallucinations entirely, and doesn’t leave me feeling horrible.

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I am so sorry you had to go through this…your mother isn’t helping, ignore her…you need help and you know it so I am glad you reached out…please stop cutting yourself !!

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I’m on haldol. 75 mg shot and I don’t get any side effects. I hope haldol works better for you this time

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So I just saw my psychiatrist and we decided against the Haldol because he was concerned about the side effects I was having but I’m going back on Zyprexa. The reason I stopped the zyprexa the first time was I had gained 20 pounds but this time he is giving me Metformin to try and combat that. He raised my lithium to 450mg twice a day and took away the Lamictal I was on. And then he’s cutting my Geodon dose in half. So basically now I’ll be on 10mg Zyprexa, 500mg Metformin, 60mg Geodon, 450mg lithium, and then 1 mg Klonopin prn.

I should clarify about my mothers comment, my official dx is schizoaffective disorder, but she refuses to acknowledge that and continues to label off my “behavior” as attention seeking.

I’m sorry you had such a horrible night. Did you try getting some sleep? That might help you feel a little better. I hope all goes well at the pdoc appt. Until then try to take care of yourself and be your own friend, don’t beat up on you. Be understanding and gentle. You need a good friend and support right now with what you’re going through and it doesn’t sound like your mom is going to be there for you so be there for yourself instead of harming yourself. Take care, I will be holding good thoughts for you.

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hope you feel better soon @Hanna_Foxx

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