Crazy days are just beginning

I was mentally unstable when I got this job I guess and this illness has made me so stupid in so many ways. I talk about my personal life a lot and I think that was my mistake at work.

I told one of my colleagues that I have OCD and afraid of the side effects of the med. I think that was the decision for firing me. My manager said you got so many things on your mind, you just can not focus. and she is right. It is so unfortunate but I am not a stable person and Latuda has not been a good med for as well as Geodon.

I am still on Wellbutrin and notice some weight loss in the past 3 weeks. I am also eating much less, I have no appetite anymore. I can quit smoking too in time.

Sometimes I feel dumb and worthless. I feel like I do not have the intellectual capacity to have a normal life. I can no longer work corporate and socialize with my colleagues. I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut. I talk my problems, my issues in my personal life, everyday I have a new story and problem. People are supposed to be so private about their personal life and I do not know how to put that boundary. My brain has been shrunk I guess because I have become a weak and unfit person. I forget everything, I tell the same story over and over again. The problem is that I am aware of it and my surrounding so I can not just move to a mental hospital and wait for my death. But this is how I feel.

I should not have kids. I do not want to pass my genes to another human being with big eyes and small brain. My partner loves me so much he still wants to stay with me and I should keep him until I lose my mind completely. I can not believe I have met somebody like him who doesn’t dump me like that. He could just dump me and meet someone normal who could have children, work in a professional environment and have a state life with him.

I have been crying a lot doing crazy things… I am unhappy and miserable in general.
I have to go to therapy in 15 minutes. Just wanted to share my miserable thoughts for a while.

Sounds like wellbrutin is doing nothing for you. I’d switch. It didn’t suit me either for what it’s worth.

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If you’re not eating enough calories, it’s going to have negative effects on your cognitive abilities.

You don’t want to starve yourself to lose weight, just cutback a bit.

I’m just pointing out if you’re not eating enough, this could be part of the reason you’re having difficulty focusing.

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Glad he’s still with you.

Have you thought about volunteering whilst you look for, or until your ready for a new job?

I find volunteering gives me a sense of forefilment, by knowing I’ve helped someone.

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I feel like I could have wrote this myself. The only thing I can say is give yourself some time to heal before you jump back into a new work environment.
Maybe it was too soon.

I take latuda and lamictal and feel like a complete retard. Maybe it’s the latuda and not you. Just saying:)

The worst advice you can hear is don’t open up or talk

But I understand the difficulty with work situations

Jobs will let you do rehab but not therapy?
And keep your job?

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Karen, it was a bad day or week or month but it still doesn’t mean it’s going to be a bad life.
Do you realize that you’re thinking catastrophic at the moment and by what it looks like from here - that you put a lot of pressure and demands on yourself as if you enjoy to torment yourself with those thoughts.
( I know it - I get that “you’re miserable” almost every day)
I think you deserve to take a little break, and just try to focus on your mental and physical health and put a career and other big plans on a wait, just for a bit of time.

Nothing wrong with taking a break from big life plans. Think about your priorities, and think about that what is happening now is only temporary.
Seriously, take some time off and think about why do you demand such perfectionism from yourself.

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.” :wink:

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I feel dumb in regards to communication but im good at math and video games