It’s always bubbling away toxically just under or above the surface. - the what could’ve/should’ve been with decent mental health treatment and a much earlier dx of ASD. Sometimes it really gets me down.
Adjusting to how things are rather than how they could/should’ve been is no doubt the healthiest approach.Att times it’s a far from easy thing to accept though, the potential that will never be fulfilled. The feelings of uselessness and worthlessness.
I make a big thing about intelligence, but for all the good it’s done me I’d have probably been better off being averagely intelligent. The reason it’s a big thing? It may be meaningless , but I do quite well on the tests. That boosts my fragile self esteem,for a short while. However sooner rather than later feelings of failure and inadequacy take over. That I’m an imposter. That I’ll never be good enough.