Controlling certain parts of the brain

Lately I’ve been having the delusion that I can control certain parts of my brain. Like I can flip on a light-switch and the back left side of my brain becomes activated. Technically I know this isn’t possible, is it? I would always think that if I could figure out which side of the brain to tap into I could use to control things around me, like telekinesis (ability to move objects with thought…like in Stephen King’s Carrie) or something. Truthfully I know I don’t have this ability, but I’ve be catching myself attempting it when I’m alone thinking one of these days I’ll figure it out. I don’t even believe in telekinesis really. Or at the very least I know I don’t have the ability.

I’m afraid if I call my doctor she’ll have come in and increase my medication levels again. Is there any quick tips to help combat these delusional thoughts? I’m not even sure at this point if I’m the one having these thoughts or if it’s the voices trying to get me to believe in something. I haven’t really heard much from the voices lately, it’s just been a lot of fogginess, and crowded room noise type thing, nothing really lucid.

Tomorrow, Friday and Saturday we’ll be taking a short trip up to Chicago to visit my grandfather in the nursing home he’s been in for I think two years now. He is steadily going down hill with dementia, I wonder if my Schizo-effective disorder will turn into that when I get old, or even if I live old enough to find out. I wonder if this little delusional thought process of mine is my brain trying to deal with what is going on with my grandpa. I feel guilty for not being there as much, but really he’s 5 hours away from me…I can’t drive, can’t afford a plane or train ticket…the only way I can go see him is if my parents go up. And then by the time we do go see him I let myself get all worked up because he’s not the same strong man I knew him being when I was growing up.

If we have an eternity to live, anything could be possible. In my deepest states, I felt bio-mechanical - that I couldn’t miss a step or a beat and everything in my body was in “perfect” motion. It felt so good to move at peak physical performance.

Who knows, we’re barely sentient compared to what we could be two million years from now (if God allows).

If I could control parts of my brain I would control those parts that cause my sz, and be cured of it. That would be pretty awesome. Besides that, I had that delusion too when I was psychotic, aaaand it’s not possible. The best you can hope for is trying to bend a spoon and being frustrated afterwards.
Just remember to be grounded, like believing you have special powers is a bit out there, not really grounded. We can confuse fiction with reality sometimes, that’s our problem. Try and remember what is fiction.

My grandpa is also in a nursing home, also with dementia. He’s a bit better now, but I reckon he’s up for a downfall, usually works this way. And I also think my sza will develop to dementia or alzheimers. I’m scared of it too, the best I can think of is that we are allowed to be crazy when we’re old.

Good luck.

I’ve tried easier stuff like simply moving objects with no luck…the feel stupid that I wasted my time doing it to begin with.

I’m in Chicago now we just got back from having lunch with my grandfather. It intended to be a short stop but they (nurses) seemed set with us eating him. For having dementia and being mostly blind he didn’t do to bad. But after lunch and being social he grew tired quickly so we left. Just spending the rest of the day relaxing at hotel.

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