Constant confliction

I don’t understand how you people go about your daily lives on meds and being sober.
It feels like the only way for me to tranquilize my thoughts and moods is with substances and getting inebriated. My thoughts don’t stop and this is exactly why I can’t work retail I need ■■■■ to keep my mind busy at least with food service I’m constantly focusing on orders and what I need to do next with retail I’m just putting stuff away with nothing to keep my mind busy and then I start spiraling and going ■■■■■■■ insane I’m starting to lose my ■■■■■■■ mind I like the job but I can’t do this ■■■■ because of my goddamn thoughts and ridiculous delusions.
I’m thinking about old grudges I have,
Feeling worthless and miserable,
I feel like I’m not worth ■■■■
I like being better than everyone else and proving that I’m worth promoting but it’s ■■■■■■■ damn near impossible in a retail setting. In food all you have to do is be faster and accurate than everyone and they trust you to handle money and run shifts alone.
I’m going ■■■■■■■ crazy dude


I miss weed. I didn’t smoke alot, a couple times a year. But I loved the high, it was like going on vacation.

I do drink on occasion, if I go out with friends I have to drink because I become nervous. I drink very fast so nobody won’t notice.

I was addicted to crack for four years and did a lot of powder too. And also smoked pot and did my share of drinking. A lot of times in my addiction I felt shitty about myself. I did a lot of the typical things an addict does: lied, cheated, manipulated and used people. My life was a mess.

Then I got clean and sober in 1990 and my life drastically improved. I got a job, went back to school, got honest with myself and others, became more responsible and trustworthy and dependable. Now 30 years later the novelty of initially getting clean has subsided some. Now I often feel shitty about myself and my confidence and self esteem isn’t the greatest all the time. But two major problems are gone: drinking and drugging. They didn’t solve any problems when I did them: they were added problems. And I don’t miss them at all. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I still used alcohol and drugs. I wouldn’t have been employed for the past 30 years if I was still using or be just three classes away from my degree.

I thought life was easier on drugs but it’s just the opposite. I can still do fun things without drugs. I’m not unhappy all the time, but if I’m going to be unhappy, I’d rather face it clean and sober.

AA, CA and NA did the trick for me. Once I got serious about getting clean, I started going to 12-step meetings and within months the compulsion and obsession to use drugs and drink was lifted from me and has never returned. No more having to hide what I’m doing or hiding who I’m hanging out with or hiding where I’m going. No more risking my life for drugs.

I’m not magic or some super special human being. I just followed a simple program and learned to live by some simple principles and took it one day at a time. And living clean and sober doesn’t make my life easy and carefree. But it makes it easier and more carefree…I told my story so maybe you can relate to it or see some similarities.


I want to one day be at your point in life but for now I am struggling. Thank you for opening my eyes to the reality that I can beat it and get better.

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Retail sucks even while sober
It drives even the normals crazy
…or kills them inside
Don’t think I’ve ever seen a non substance using food service worker
Out of town and need to score, find a restaurant fast food etc lol

What else would you like to do for work?

If it helps it helps but remember
There’s a fine line between self medicating and addiction
Be careful and don’t forget to take care of yourself

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