I am in a constant battle trying to accept schizophrenia but somehow not being able to. Is denial a symptom?
First psychotic break 2010
Second psychotic break 2020
Nothing in between… so I really try but can’t accept anything a dr ever tells me. Actually I have a hard time trusting professionals at all….. at one point I was convinced I had cancer because I wouldn’t stop bleeding (periods)..
also the distrust comes from a place of experience … my dad was diagnosed with depression after I took him to the docs multiple times. turned out to be brain cancer.
I’m having trouble accepting somethings wrong with me. That’s gonna stop me from achieving what I want and need to achieve. Mostly what I want to achieve. I mean what I need to achieve can be societal standards and guidance to me. Which I take positively. So the acceptance that I’m dealing with now. Is accepting how successful I wanna be in life with my wants. And at the moment I’m accepting I’m gonna be successful and I am successful at the moment with my wants. My needs like I said before it can be seen as opinions from guidance from others. So I will accept that I am successful and I will be successful. And that’s the hardest thing for me to accept. But I’m accepting it. I mean the whole issue with finding out what’s going on with me is about me being successful. So at times I just say screw what’s going on with me. And try to understand what I take is being successful for me. And not try to put a reason as to why I’m not successful as to what I consider and rationalize and try to find out what I would call a successful for myself. Regardless, when I had my father and he was alive, he wouldn’t allow any excuse. Excuses for me anyways. So i’ve got used to his way of thinking. I mean, if I try to find out everything that’s wrong with me everything that can be diagnosed cause I’m sure there’s more things going on psychologically and physically with my mental health. To my father, they would just be excuses anyways.
That’s really awful about your dad. I can understand how you feel. I don’t even really know what a psychotic break is. Unless it’s just hearing voices. I’ve heard voices since 1991. You’re lucky if you’ve had long periods not having them.