Schizophrenia.com

Consistent Embarrassment


#1

As my first official post, this has taken me quite a few days to come to terms with convincing myself this forum is safe enough to post upon. The first move I’ve made in the past year so, with guts and grim on the table, here we go…

My husband is a social butterfly in the ways for which I am not; in order to avoid our differences from becoming an issue, we have scheduled days we follow for when his friends come over and days for when it remains only him and myself. This also assists me in mentally preparing for the exhaustion of handling others and so I won’t find myself overwhelmed.

However, as my husband has his male friends, it seems (stereotypically) reasonable that it is within myself to comfort the girlfriends and make them feel “at home”.

This issue is - I carry deep scars that still have yet to heal entirely on my left forearm; They are large and the scar tissue is thick, but they are bulged from my skin so it looks like a branding wound. Last year in a fit of my episodes running rampant, I made the attempt at suicide and perhaps even thankfully, failed. I spent awhile hospitalized and under strict observation from my Psychiatrist. I am still under said observation.

In the last time spent that my husband had his friend over, his friend’s girlfriend tagged along and of all the women that overwhelm me, she is the worst. I had used the bathroom and opened the door as she stood outside of it talking about things I could never care of, where I pulled up my sleeve to wash my hands, not thinking of the scars on my arm when she spotted them almost immediately and began giving me a lecture that she could “just tell” that they were fresh and newly done. I had explained to her countless times over that they were done over a year ago, that I had done my time in hospitalization, medicated, the whole ordeal, but somehow - that must have made a liar in her mind as she refused to believe it.

It was with this that she went straight to my husband and began telling him how she knew my wounds were freshly healed as if I had just done it a week ago. When I entered the garage (our smoking area), my whole life story seemed to become the conversation of the party. I sat quietly as she and her boyfriend, along with my husband continued talking on … well, me.

Many others have refused to believe that they were done a year ago and in any explanation, they run immediately to my husband as if his story is going to say otherwise against me. Even when he tells them what I had said is truth, they give him a look of “I think you’re lying”. If I were a more violent person, the glare they give would make me want to punch them in the face.

I always wear long sleeve shirts and if not, I wear my Dark Funeral Jacket to cover them, but for those that have already seen my scars, I feel powerless in what I say - they never listen. I want to make my point firm and clear so every time I see these same friends, my past won’t be the subject of choice for their conversations. How could I ever ensure that?


#2

id be like get out of my house! you have the right to feel comfortable in your house this is none of her business! she sounds like a drama queen ignore her and don’t nvite her again you need people that lift you up not drag you down.


#3

People can be some really tactless oafs. Maybe if you said - “I am still sensitive about that, and I really wish you would respect my feelings” when they talked about you that might help. Also, maybe you could talk to your husband about making arrangements for you to be out when his friends come over. Go to a movie, go shopping or something. Maybe you could find someone to go with you. Maybe you could develop a support network independent of your husband and his friends.


#4

First off, welcome! An excellent post and we’re really glad you’ve decided to share here. :smile: :thumbsup:

Second, I don’t blame you for being embarrassed by the actions of the one lady. I think you are well within your rights to express to her that while you appreciate her concerns, you do NOT appreciate the denigrating matter in which she communicated them. I think you are also within your rights to tell your husband that you would appreciate it if said person wasn’t invited over until a sincere apology is offered and an ability to display better manners has been demonstrated. I think you probably handled it better than I would have.

10-96


#5

Rolling up the sleeves a bit, you could start with the dwelling–sensationalizing events Lecture.

You can invite someone else, your additional support system, to back up your firm response to nipping in the bud any conversations directed at your past.

You can lead wholesome conversations that motivate responses–feedback from your guests that help them critically think and treat you as their peer.

Others here have wit, and their responses with be of great value to you.


#6

**Welcome!
Yeah-you don`t need that.
Glad you decided on posting here :blush: **


#7

Welcome!
Those girlfriends need to stay at their own homes when their men are with your husband.
Nothing worse than being forced to be friendly with someone you don’t want to in your own home.