If you feel the “me” in you has been taken out of you or even ripped from you; then something is either very wrong with either the diagnosis, the treatment; or both. This needs to be resolved as soon as possible for your peace of mind and wellbeing; and of course your health and ability to survive and thrive! This true whether it is psychiatric, general medical, or both. I had to write this idea down so I would remember it while my computer went through a slow, stupid Microsoft restart. Did you see that; Microsoft had to capitalize itself? My beloved feline is now ignoring me; after being in my face all evening and I’m lonely! I know this is unrelated to my beginning post.
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I’m still in here I just don’t like my thoughts as much.
Slowly getting back to what I was before all this.
This is the greatest amount of control over my symptoms I’ve had so far. Still seems very real.
Quite annoying.
Yes it “me” has been ripped out. Because I hit the hard cold cement SMACK! Its that dawning realization that nobody really cares if you live or die.
That’s not true at all.
First of all we care.
Secondly, I’m sure there are people in this world who love you, you might not even know who they are.
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I was afraid to be honest with doctors. That or myself, probably both. My last break left me with nothing but a few pics, paperwork and some clothes.
My family called me something else then my legal name all my life growing up and even now still. . Because of that I have no sense of identity. Still can’t think of a new name to call myself and change it legally by depol.
With constant mood swings and delusions of who I’m trying to model myself to be. Which is often fantasy characters. I have no idea who I am any more.
But a big (((( 
)))) in lieu of your cat ignoring you… But when when all else fails…Hug your teddybear! .
As for Microsoft…As they say…“Next computers going to be a Mac!”…
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I used to do that. Pretending to be a Carl Sagan or a hunter Thompson. Now I just to look inward. Find the thoughts that define me.
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There were some episodes of sneaky brained thinking that had me believing I was someone else then who I was.
My crumbling started so young… I didn’t know who I was when I was in full blown break down.
After I lost myself completely… I sort of feel I had the chance to rebuild myself. I used think certain fictional characters would make a better me then I did.
I didn’t like myself very much for a while… and if I could be someone else… I thought that was better.
I think through the fiction… I’m finally figuring out who I am under all this.
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LagoonLovely; I care if you live or die. To those who have or are struggling with who you are; this is what I learn each moment; there is you inside that is only you no one else. It is most likely composed of all those fictional characters you thought might make a better you or maybe like me; those people who I felt were me instead of me. But even then, I was me. I just forgot me; I guess. This me that gets ripped out when given the wrong diagnosis or treatment or both is that special unique inner knowing that is you that only you can know and many times gets ignored by even those who say they want to help you or love you. No matter how wild and unpredictable it gets inside you; trust that sometimes small sense of knowing to guide you. Under the delusions and hallucinations and mood swings and other horrible stuff; it is there. When you can; be a little quiet and feel it. It, no matter how terrible things get, will never let you down. It knows the truth about you; which may be something even the so-called professionals might deny. Also, my cat did return. She is now sitting on my bed behind my laptop looking ever so cute! There are no words to describe how I feel about Microsoft. I usually just tolerate its rudeness!
Had always thought the idea of life was to learn about ourselves. Find ourselves. Learn who we are.
The Plum
You can learn that you cannot be loved by all people
You can be the finest PLUM in the world,
RIPE – JUICY – SUCCULENT
And offer yourself to all.
However you must remember there will always be people who do not like plums.
You can learn to understand that if you are the world’s finest plum,
And someone you like does not like plums
You have a choice of becoming a banana.
However, you need to be warned that if you choose to become a banana,
You will be a second-rate banana,
However, you can always be the best plum.
You need to understand that if you choose to be a second-rate banana,
There will always be people who do not like bananas,
Furthermore, you can spend your life trying to become the best banana (which is impossible if you are a plum),
Or: You can seek again to be the
BEST PLUM!!
Anon.
I’ve always wanted to be succulent and offer myself to everyone.
I really like your poem about plums. It reminds me of a poem by William Carlos Williams where he couldn’t refuse the temptation of plums in the refrigerator. That is one of my favorite poems of all time. When I find it again in my books, I’ll post it. Did you know William Carlos Williams was a doctor like Doctor Zxchviago? (I can’t spell!) They don’t make doctors like that anymore!
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