when i was younger i always wished for a family, a normal one.
a dad you could trust and rely on.
a mother that was loving and supportive.
a brother that was like a friend.
a sister that helped you and you could have a laugh with.
my clinical psychologist says that the ’ family ', is a place that when you are young, you view the world from , a safe place.
take care


I was an only child and wanted to be part of a larger family.


It is supposed to be a safe place, when it isn’t often the mind can’t take that and constructs threatening figures outside the family to fear.

Since it is unhealthy to view the family as threatening (interactions with family shape the view of humankind and the world as a whole) many people would create a figure to use as a target for transference.

Point in case, Man A was abused as a child and fears his mother (on a unconscious level) and he has had a paranoid notion of being followed by a man. This man never really gets close to Man A but he does cause discomfort and anxiety. Eventually Man A is hospitalized and seems to be doing well, during a visit from his mother the figure appears outside, across the street and Man A feels panic and discomfort.

The doctors do eventually put together that Man A is fearful of his mother as these events always coincide, and the fear is not of this mysterious and non-existent figure.

A person can also construct in either dreams or subconscious a figure that is a combination of people they know.

This is a story my first therapist told me about a patient he met during his rotations. Eventually Man A did admit to being abused by his mother and was able to work through his problems.

I came from a less than safe home, this story helped me try to rationalize some of my symptoms.


Who’s family isn’t dysfunctional? No ones. I rest my case.


…LOL yup


what you just wrote made a lot of sense, my psychologist said basically the same thing, only difference my father was the predator my mother was just cold and evil.
i am sorry you came from an unsafe home too.
being on this forum for me has been so helpfull.
take care
ps. i read what you wrote again, i think it clicked something inside me, you gave me a greater understanding, so thanks.

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I think my home was a bit too safe. I practically grew up in a bubble. And where my brother broke out of it, I stayed in and just shut everything out.


I grew up wanting and wishing for that family as well. Unfortunately I was unable to provide it for my children either even though I really wanted to. Family can be so many things, not always blood relatives. I have had other’s give me the safety and assurance that family could not always provide.


I really hope that you heal @darksith, you deserve some peace in your life


as long as you break the cycle my friend im most scred of being a abuser myself sometimes. you can fight your demons and win because you have a kind heart and a good spirit i have faith in you tc