Confession that I almost relapsed the other night

Health and Recovery
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On Sunday night I was really feeling down and I walked to the liquor store to buy some nips that I was going to mix with my Clonopin… I know bad bad bad but this disease Makes you insane. I would’ve done anything for a buzz Sunday night. I get there and it’s closed like it always is on Sunday nights thanks the Connecticut liquor laws

So I white knuckled it that night, then yesterday at group The therapist pretty much said youre a piece of ■■■■ if you use inside the house. Which is what I was going to do. So I felt like a piece of ■■■■ for thinking about it. And I got my Zoloft raised which I think will help with cravings and mood. Now I feel a lot better and I feel like I’d be a piece of ■■■■ if I used inside my house. So I’m hoping I don’t have cravings like that again… at least I got through it and next time I’ll be more equipped. 39 days sober today… Don’t give me a prize I don’t deserve it. ■■■■ me. No one would have known but I’d still be guilty as ■■■■ if I had done it…

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It’s normal in a sobriety process to almost have relapses or maybe even relapse.
It doesn’t make you a bad or weak person.

Getting sober is half the battle. Learning to find healthier coping mechanisms and hobbies is the other part.

That’s what took the longest for me, learning that there was no escape from my emotions anymore, and learning to deal with having them.

You’ll get there in time. Keep working hard and keep up the good work

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Thanks nova. My housemate said to me yesterday… “You don’t fit the personality type of a drug addict…it doesn’t seem like you’ve done hard drugs”. I said “I haven’t…well maybe I’ve done the hallucinogens.” In my opinion LSD and shrooms aren’t hard drugs because they can’t kill you or make you physically addicted. But i still wouldn’t call them “soft drugs”. Just based on the damage they do. They fit the textbook definition of soft drugs. But they’re too powerful to be so in my opinion. But still they don’t produce the same fiendish behavior that cocaine opiates and methamphetamines does. They don’t make you steal which is what really makes someone “seem like a drug addict” imo. Not minimizing their power in any way. But it made me feel good that I don’t “seem” like a drug addict. I know what I am though. Sorry that’s kind of off topic. But yeah. I’m glad I got through this last craving.

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I’m glad you made it.

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Can you find some hobbies or occupy yourself with some different things.

I can drink sometimes if I want to in small quantities but it’s making me so sick that I don’t even want to.
Now I drink tea variety and have my vape as a treat.

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