Schizophrenia.com

Community nurse plays me lip service

I’m on a community treatment order. I have been on one since 2011 for psychosis.

I have had the same community nurse for 5 years. He plays me lip service and tells me what I want to hear all the time. A month ago I was getting pretty bad intrusive thoughts and these were obsessive mainly around my care team keeping secret folders about me and a conspiracy against me/microchip in left armpit, etc. I rang community nurse and told him these thoughts and he lost his cool and it seemed from his mannerism he was accusing me of making it all up by asking me what I want from all this. I have been troubled by is reaction since then. My psychiatrist has proscribed me Haloperidol for two weeks and my thoughts are much calmer. I also have a monthly depot injection. I feel like I can’t open up to the community nurse and now reluctant to go to him with any issues I have. I feel very much on my own.

I thinking about calling it a day with him. I don’t know how I should feel about it? I think it was is dismissive attitude when I was experiencing troubled thoughts and now my only outlet to discuss these thoughts is gone as the trust is gone with him. I know he tells me what I want to hear but his reaction is how he genuinely thinks.

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I wouldnt bin them off. You never know when you might need him.

He probably didnt even give it a second thought - maybe you caught him when he was rushed off his feet.

Email I wrote him

Hello ----.

I have been thinking. I don’t want to work with community nursing anymore. I believe it’s a hindrance to me moving forward. Nothing ever gets done, you made me feel un-listened too when I rang the ----team and spoke to you about everybody being after me. You made out that I’m a malingerer by your reaction which I think caught you off guard. Basically you are only there to make sure I’m compliant with the medication.

I want to see a psychologist to have appointee (they have control of my benefits like a guardianship order) annulled. I have been stalled at every opportunity. I have been asking since at least the 3rd October 2019 (and way before that) saying I want appointee annulling. It took 5 months to get appointment in March with psychologist. Then it’s stalled again from Covid 19 and no time frame when I will get appointment. Why can’t the psychologist do a video call or phone me to do the assessment? Dr ---- can but she can’t?

I have been stalled when I have asked to move out.

My anxiety never gets resolved about my dread of other people moving in here. Nothing is resolved about me wanting to move out or have financial independence. I believe you only play me lip service.

Looking back at the emails I’ve sent you I’m like a broken record writing this all this again.

I’m not going to work with community nursing again.

Kind regards

Billy

My understanding is a CTO will only go away if you pay them lip service.

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I have mood swings, at the moment feeling pretty angry.

Haha. Good Point :smiley: Its true.

it is ok to feel hurt, there is nothing wrong at all. what the nurse did is wrong. we can have those thoughts, because of our strong feelings that those are real. try to find the balance for now between reality and feelings. what we feel isn’t real sometimes.
learn to protect yourself, dont open up to people that are not your true friends. true friends dun judge you nor prejudge you nor do they force you to accept something your feelings cannot go through. true friends correct you not change you.
what the nurse did was to change you by forcing his/her ideals onto you. yes what you felt isnt the truth but why must he do it in that manner? since he doesn’t care about you (your feelings) then why must you care about his and love him as a person. don’t respect or love someone that doesn’t deserve your respect and love

michael aka lordarous

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