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Coming Down

Any advice from personal experience here?

I’m coming down from a “grandiose delusion” where everything I did was either for the best interest of humanity/the universe or to the detriment of it. (You can probably see how easily one could feel defeated and suicidal here.)

But, it feels like my world is sort of…colorless.

The things I do don’t actually matter. I feel directionless and like an infinitesimally small speck of nothing important in an overwhelming, uncaring, and brutal universe.

Anyone else ever feel this way? My Haldol has been increased enough for me to see from this new vantage point and I don’t love it. I wasn’t walking around telling people I was important before, I just made subtle changes I hoped when ripple into large and important ones. (The downside and impetus for going higher on the Haldol was my increasingly frequent suicidal behavior from feeling like I’m single-handedly failing humanity.)

It takes time to recover like many other things. It’s hard though. Delusions are so seductive and it’s easy to get lost in that. Still. Keep yourself busy and try and focus on things that you enjoy or help you.

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I Once Read, Long Ago, ‘When A Butterfly Flaps Her Wing’s In China, It Creates A Breeze In America’.

I Became Someone With A New Unique Way Of Expressing Myself.

Which Was, Keep It All To Myself.

I Studied, Studied, Studied And Studied. During Almost Every Waking Moment.

Strange Thing Is…, Even My Dreams Were On The Clock.

For What?. For Who?. What, Where, Why, And How?.

It Never Made Much Sense. Nor Did I Try To Get A Full Understanding.

I Learned In The End…, That…, Purity Is The Answer.

A New Sense Of Direction. Holding Tightly To The Part Of You That Was Always Paying Attention.

Not Looking For Any Sort Of Redemption, Or Justice. Not Even For Myself In The End.

Because That Is Jus A Huge Waste Of Energy And Time.

Like Julian Casablancas Says In The Album ‘Phrazes For The Young’. ‘They’ll Never Understand It’. I Believe It’s The Song, ‘Out Of The Blue’.

Love The Strokes.

N e Hoo.

Life Is What You Make It. Be Careful With What Your True Intentions Are. Be Wary Of Those Who Can Estimate Your Next Move. Seek Shelter With The Sky. Give Space And Time To Relax. Don’t Beat Yourself Up Over Honest Mistakes.

Have Some Safe, Peaceful, Healthy Fun.

And Be Yourself.

In The End, The Tombstone, (In All Reality), Isn’t The Actual End.

So. You Have Plenty Of Time In A Universe With Good Intentions. Remember That!.

And Listen To Radiohead. Because They Are The Only Band That Matters!. :slight_smile:

Selah!.

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