My coffee and cigarette ingestion is really reaching epic proportions.
It’s getting rediculous even, it’s as big as krakatoa, everest, my addiction to these two things is as big as everest.
It occurrs to me that it’s bad for me but i don’t really care anymore. In another life i would have quit, cut down to an amount it didn’t make a difference, maybe only do it socially, things like that. But in this life it truly just doesn’t matter at all
I honestly hope it kills me soon.
When i get chest pains i cross my fingers and hope thats it finally.
They don’t tell you that when you are coming up, that you’ll be tortured and it won’t matter if you smoke two packs a day, that you could smoke two packs and you’ll wind up better off when it kills you.
What a beautiful place though, really looks nice, even hell can look nice i suppose.
Pan, you can find hell beautiful but not this world, why? This is the life which you can benefit from, man. You are not alone Pan.
There are many who have suffered with the disease but they recovered as well because they kept trying. They didn’t lose hope.
Apart from that Pan, there are many people around the world who suffer from other sufferings as well but they do not leave hope to live. You have a home, money to buy cigarettes and hands to make and hold coffee. There are people who do not have everything that you have.
Your illness is recoverable. When you have some time, try to think about them as well. In spite of all difficulties, they are living and they want to live. They just don’t want to quit because someone is telling them to quit. They are not popular because they are not featured by t.v program and maybe they are not that knowledgeable as well as you and I are but they live their life in a dignity of not giving up.
I’ve observed them closely and the only difference I could find is they don’t have any complaints- neither against other people nor with own life or God. When they have difficulty, they try but they don’t mourn and certainly don’t give-up. They are sad but they smile because they hope for a better future.