Childhood memories

I remember being in school aged 5 or 6
And the teachers asked us to draw and colour
I drew a big black page with black crayon
When a teacher came to look
I was in big trouble and had to stay 15 minutes or something after class because she thought I was being naughty but I wasn’t, I was expressing how I felt.
The next time I was asked to draw, I drew my recurring nightmare of not being able to find my way home, so I drew a grim picture of my house amongst rows of other houses and it was a terrifying picture to me but it felt good to share it on paper the nightmare I kept having.
Because of my upbringing, which I won’t bore you with now I have always found it difficult to express verbally. I like drawing and writing much better.

5 Likes

Truth is I’m probably not that good at putting things into words either

Doc says I have trouble expressing myself

2 Likes

I’m similar! I find it’s easier to express myself in writing. Cause I can take my time to find the right words.

With speaking, I always say things the wrong way, so people get the wrong impression of what I’m trying to say. And I pause frequently, while taking… I’ve been told it’s difficult to listen to me speak, because my sentences are so choppy.

1 Like

I got in trouble in grade one because the drawings I did at school revealed too much of what was going on in my home and social services started sniffing around. A few horrific beatings later and it was clear what I could and couldn’t draw and write about in school or in front of others. Lots of rainbows after that.

1 Like

@Blossom

I can be quite direct but a lot of the time I talk back to front mixing up saying things in the wrong order

My mum was always telling me off for mumbling, I was a very shy kid

Thanks for your reply I’m glad it’s not just me with this trouble

2 Likes

@shutterbug

Aww I’m so so sorry :disappointed: your not alone
It’s an awful thing to try and get over
My mum was heavy handed with me so I understand you

2 Likes

@Blossom

We might have a touch of expressive language disorder, I dunno, but I just read a bit and it could be that

It’s where we understand perfectly what people are talking about but it’s hard to express and explain back

@shutterbug

Hi again, I hope I haven’t made you feel bad with my stupid post?

How old were you when you started getting mh illness?

It’s hard to delineate. Ongoing physical and sexual abuse as a preteen with some substance issues mixed in, substance abuse starting as a tween, autism (remember having issues as far back as grade four), and then SZ really whomped me around age 23. I guess I’m sort of the blue plate special in that regard.

Really tough for you all of that and all at a very young age
It’s hard luck getting parents that don’t realise or care how much damage their doing to the kid
And with you having autism spectrum disorder it would certainly make everything a lot worse for you to manage emotionally, mentally too
Has it contributed to the schizophrenia would you say?

With my experience, my mum being heavy handed with just me really and not my siblings made me even more traumatised understanding very little of the what ifs, why was it happening?
I’ve gone the opposite way to how mum was still is.
I really empathise with people especially when they’ve had a tough time of it. If I wasn’t mentally ill and I hadn’t have gone through these things I’d be a totally different person now. I think I’d still be a nice person but without much understanding of suffering.

It’s hard to have a big conversation about anything but if you ever want to message me you can do.

No idea to be honest. I just do what I can to unpack that stuff so I’m not carrying it around all the time. I’m having a fun second childhood now and that’s the bit that counts for me.

1 Like

@shutterbug

That’s best way

I found out if I don’t try to be completely accurate or not even sometimes make sense my thoughts flow smoothly.

Oh, sorry, I only read your 1st post, I guess my method wouldn’t work for you.

ah your okay I knew what you meant

This topic was automatically closed 95 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.