That I don’t have a strong voice or feel able to speak up so I usually do not speak up.
That I have felt like I’m in invisible restraints and everyone’s bi tch.
I am not a member of any religion but prayed last night and apologised for not appreciating jewelry my x boyfriends parents gave me.it was really really cheap jewelry worth and really really low quality that was rusting after a few days and I told them not to give me jewelry anymore because it’s such bad quality.ha ha ha.how awful of me.how ungrateful.they spoiled me with gifts and I did not appreciate all the gifts they gave me.i was being a gift snob.that was very bad of me but I have repented and hopefully changed my ways.
I am a coward.
I was brave once when I had cancer but otherwise I’m usually a coward.
I am dependent and specially if there was a emergency I would not be good to have around.a dependent coward.thjoho:partying_face:Naaa that’s not want people want around.my x is a brave firefighter.lol we are so different.
Then I have “things” due to schizophrenia but these are some things that does not have to do with schizophrenia.just some ugly sides of me.
My limitations are to blame on schizophrenia. I push myself so hard though. I’m not like other women from my race and culture. I don’t like them. Yesterday I was out at a friend’s house and we were gathered for a BBQ. I hated all the topics they talked about. It really touches my nerves. They are very old fashioned I can’t find the right word but like they talk bad about people who divorce for example. I’m surrounded by idiots. I don’t know how I’m not like them. I’m not like my sister as well.
I would like to stop talking to myself once and for all. It has decreased a lot recently on Clonazepam.
I like myself for the most part. But if I was like my sister or my friends, I wouldn’t have these problems. Not sure if it comes from schizophrenia but the emptiness and greed. I don’t know.
I don’t stand up for myself, and I disappear in the face of confrontation. I don’t often disagree with people because I’m afraid they won’t like me. All of this makes me feel a little twisted and angry inside, like I wish I could just express myself freely like other people without all the self-monitoring and overthinking.