So next week my life finally becomes normal and takes to the form it’s going to hold for the next year… My work schedule will be lined out. 4 consecutive days of work and 3 days off… Pretty sweet schedule. Money should start piling up a bit… Finally figured out the boundaries with this girl I’ve been talking to and seeing… and I’m glad she’s a friend but I’m seriously going to put her out of my mind for a while when she leaves town. She’s a high risk type person and I’m all stable… I’m drawn to her for a lot of reasons and she does respect my solidarity and I know she needs someone like that in her life… but it’s not psychologically healthy for me to be dependent upon her at all… she is the essence of being undependable…
It’s funny though I was a lot like her before. Had to see the dangers of life for myself before I wised up… but I gotta shake the feeling that I’m waiting on her… and unfortunately just go back to searching for someone else… someone stable and more domestic… I do have another girl in mind… but beyond that I’m just going to work on myself.
I’ve drawn a bit in the last couple days. They’re kind of shoddy drawings… Just human forms and armors as concept art for my game… but I’m going to keep at it. Might refine it a bit… making the process take less time at least. Gotta have something to discuss over with the artists…
So I’ve got a lot of hobbies going on now… I can literally just bounce between whatever I want to do… my focus is still shoddy… most of it revolves around the game… Thinking about coding, writing, drawing, modelling, the design process in general, the setting and story arc… then I can play music and work out beyond that. Money is allowing me to experiment with food a bit more…
Whole wheat pasta… hell yeah… Fiber for the win! … and good carbs too…
Fighting for stability at this point is all about learning to live in my mind and be alone… That girl did a lot to help me take my focus off of SZ… but she ain’t the right one… so transitioning away from her I’m going to fill my head with constructive positive stuff… Work, my close friends, caffeine and nicotine (not so positive)…
but that all starts next week… I’ve got a couple days left to strengthen the friendship I have with this girl and I think I’m finally ready to take it on alone without the internal dependency going on…