Can't sleep i feel too guilty

Im feeling really bad about something that happened when i was 20 yrs old
Idk i feel so guilty and bad person tonight
I must have given birth to a premature baby but it came out en caul in sack, size of a small melon. I just didn’t know what it was at the time i thought it was a mass of something
My hubby wasnt really interested in looking properly
But i wish id not been so dumb naive

It was probably nothing
It didn’t look like anything just a mass of tissue

It probably wasn’t a baby
Just me worrying too much
Im just getting carried away with my thoughts

Even if it was, there was likely nothing you could have done. Be easy on yourself, your concern about it alone shows you aren’t a bad person.

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Thanks @fractaled
I only thought about it recently then started googling
But probably was just a mass of tissue
My thoughts get really carried away

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@spaceoptic
Sorry you carry this guilt to this day.
I hope you can reconcile with it someday.
As @fractaled and yourself stated - it was not your fault and nothing could have been done either way and it was most likely a mass tissue.

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You need to put this to rest. You did nothing wrong. Try not to dwell on it.

Ive googled mass and baby birth etc

It had to have been a baby

I was too frightened that day to mess with it. It may not have survived if it was very premature?

I will always feel guilty :pensive: about it and the abortion my hubby made me get a year later

He was getting drunk & angry every night, we were sharing a single bed in a crummy bedsit an i wasn’t even meant to live there i was homeless. He threw a big tv at the bed missing me only just.
He didn’t want a baby
So i went to the clinic
My family were practically estranged at the time an i had noone else to help
My mental illness has always been bad so i couldn’t have brought up a kid anyway but I’ll always feel bad about it all. Why i am so useless :sleepy:

20+ yrs ago

121212

I made arrangements to have my gf have an abortion…she didn’t want the baby so I obliged to her decision…I still feel bad about it too…I’m sorry.

Thanks @jukebox it is crazy the whole thing
I don’t know how i could have managed i just wouldn’t been able to
And parting with a baby i imagine is hardest thing ever
I had it at 8 weeks so at the time it wasnt really happening it was like a bad dream

well the baby is fine now…maybe you could create a headstone and name the baby and have an empty grave? I know a couple that did that when they lost their baby.

Not really would help
I just gotta live with my poor decisions

Not trying to justify anything but women with mental illness lose custody of kids everyday i know that would’ve been a lot harder by far
Edit: and men do as well
It must be devastating

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