I KNOW this can’t be real, but it flipping feels real and I’m super confused again.
Basically I’ve been talking with these benevolent and loving beings from higher planes in addition to the normal voices I speak with. I’m confused because they tell me that I need to let go of this world and move on, but when I start embracing my dissociation and try to go away entirely they throw in something to intervene to stop me from moving on (like last night where I was experiencing heavy dissociation and felt like I was everything and the room around me started to disappear and suddenly my dog started barking and by the time I comforted her the dissociation had dropped again) and they’ll tell me it’s not time for me to go yet. I wish they’d make up their minds over which I’m supposed to do, but regardless I’m not going anywhere because my family needs me.
I’m also starting to see messages everywhere again. I saw Into the Woods today (GREAT movie by the way, I definitely recommend) and a bunch of the songs I felt like were directed at me from the good entities telling me to go on despite everything that happens. And afterwards when I went shopping with my mom and siblings for bday presents for my brother the clerks kept talking to me and saying hello and how are you and my immediate thought was they were agents of the benevolent beings checking up on me, until I shortly afterward did a reality check.
But I don’t know what to believe anymore!! This place doesn’t feel real to me!! It feels like a dream!! My therapist was so dismissive when I told her about my issues with preferring my literal dreams to reality, because she was like “you know they are just dreams and not real, right?” But who’s to say they ARENT more real?? They’re more vivid to me than real life! I feel more natural and at home in them than in real life! Why is this even considered “real”?? What if we all hop through different planes of existence all the time and this plane is just the one we spend the most time in?? There’s no way for me to know if my beliefs are true or not. I’m just very, very confused again.