All I remember is that the world felt “3D” and not 2D. It felt like I was participating in it and not just watching it.
I was free spirited but to be honest I spent a lot of my life manic.
I wasn’t well
I could push myself towards achieving my desires in life.
I remember it all too well. I was able to enjoy music, I enjoyed spending time with family and friends, the colors of the world actually meant something. I was creative. Etc. Now I feel absolutely nothing. The worst part is people treat me like a joke, even though parts of me are still there. I can look back to photographs in my life, and remember the thoughts and feelings I had at the time.
Well, I want to clarify, the only part of me that is still remaining is my ego. Basically my idealized self. Or the person my ego believes I’m supposed to be. I am supposed to be that person.
I was able to do things easily, it didn’t take a bunch of mentally arguing with myself first about why I won’t do it or why I will do it in ten minutes (same thing). There was also no perpetual exhaustion.
Hardly, I was 17 when a crippling anxiety and depression began. Back then there was no public information about MI, so I had no idea what happened to me, and for four years I didn’t talk to anyone about it.
Then i had a severe breakdown, i was hospitalized, and when I told the psychiatrist about myself he said: “this is a hard case, you can look forward to a long hospitalization.” He was right. It took me one year, and I never fully recovered.
Yes… I felt more alert and ‘awake’.
The medication might make me feel different but overall I am appreciative.
Without the medication, my risk of most severe depression and even suicide is high
I worked a parking lot with just one other person on busy days, and did it for hours and hours at a time.
I wish I’d kept more then just the physical improvement of my heart, but I’ll take it.
I had a lot more energy, did a lot more hallucinating, and still believed I had a future.
I always had racing thoughts. It was horrible but knew no different. At least meds have helped with that thinking so I don’t mind being slow these days. I do ok in some parts of my life but to beat the negs the only thing that helps me is routines. Keep organised for a disorganised person is hard but it helps.
3D world is a good discription. I felt more alive. Showering was no problem. I wanted to do things and looked forward to things. My days were about doing something not just passing time.
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