mostly im thinking about my dad this morning, he has some good and bad, the bad is he can be a bit domineering, but i think about all he has done for me. sometimes i just wonder if he feels it is his duty and not necessarily love. but i look past his flaws, but every so often he is outspoken and i disagree with him and wonder, why does he have to be that way? i mean he’s 67 but never really learned deference, his dad died when he was young and he had free reign most of his life.
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i guess something i overheard him say this morning to his mates is bothering me. he said “in todays culture people will just say your some old guy, but i think with family you can have some influence” i’ve pretty much said this about him before, that he is marginalized in everyday life and his house is his castle, where he tries to exert his influence over us. that is my childhood in a nutshell. just trying to be myself all the time and going against dad regularly.
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I’m very bad at looking past flaws.
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Generally, I tend to look past flaws. Unless they are very severe physical kinds.
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It’d be hard for me to expect others to look over my flaws if I couldn’t do the same for them wouldn’t it? Keep in mind I view a flaw as a minor provoking or undesirable character trait that we don’t like in ourselves or others.
I don’t consider things such as bigotry, being an abuser, or other glaring issue as flaws because those go way deeper than being a flaw and are more severe defects of character.
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i agree with crush’s interpretation of flaw versus defects of character. in those terms, i tend to let go of simple mistakes, and often i pass off alot more than i should. i cant forgive or look past my own flaws, but other peoples flaws i tend to be way more forgiving.
i think its easy to forgive them when they do good things or things that help you, but its healthier to forgive them if theyre doing things to actively stop the harmful flaws. otherwise, it can get abusive.
the one time i didnt look past someones flaws was when my ex girlfriend kicked me out abruptly on 4/13/20 and then apologized and wanted to still be together, so i wrote her a 12 page letter on how she was abusive and that i can no longer be friends with her in any way, even mutual friends. the letter was prefaced with why i cant be so much as friends, and stated a bunch of affirmatives that shes deserving of good things, and then a last page that consisted of thank yous for all the good times we had together. i blocked her before i could get a response. i feel so terrible, and i wish i was more forgiving.
i generally forgive:
- if theyre actively trying to be a better person,
- if theyre struggling with a disorder/mental health,
- or its just simple mistakes,
i will forgive and support them how ever i can. when the mistakes or behaviours start getting aggressive or harmful towards me and they wont address or attempt to stop when i ask, i try to get out of the friendship/relation without ghosting or confrontation; i try to make it more mutually beneficial instead of an attack.
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