Anyone up for a listen?
I’m here. Vent away.
Thank you. I’ll take any pointers.
I attend counseling once or twice each week. My counselor is away on Christmas break. I usually ask him who is real and who is not. With him away, I am not able to ask. Aside from my husband and kids, I do not want to talk to anyone because I am afraid I will not be able to tell who is real and who is not.
I used to interact with everyone. But my psychiatrist said I should not listen to hallucinations. I should only speak to them if I am saying, “You do not control me.” However, if I am not allowed to talk to my hallucinations, I do not want to talk to anyone, because I don’t know who is a hallucination.
This is hard because there are Christmas parties we are invited to and expected to come to. Normally I would be excited for them.
I don’t see my counselor until January 2. I see my psychiatrist on December 21. He gave me an appointment on his last day before Christmas break.
I’m so sorry to vent. I’m just very scared and panicky. And it’s only December 18.
I’m sorry. I used to struggle with this, also. Do you hear and see people when you hallucinate, or just one or the other?
Auditory hallucinations were easier for me to distinguish, because they had kind of an echoey quality to them. The visual ones really threw me for a loop. I used to greet customers at work that nobody else could see.
You’re very insightful into your struggles!
I see and hear.
I could bounce back easier until I hallucinated someone I knew. I only knew it was a hallucination because the person was there. There were two of them.
You mention having trouble at Christmas parties. Will your husband be attending those with you? If so, is he willing to stay by your side most of the night? You could always wait for him to speak to someone first, or ask him to politely greet people when they come up. That way, you’ll know the people he greets really exist.
That’s smart! Thanks!
I’m also guessing your hallucinations aren’t very nice to you? Most people at parties are nice and polite. It’s just not socially acceptable to go around insulting people. So, maybe if someone says something hurtful, you could just stop talking to them and walk away, and assume they were a hallucination.
This is the struggle. I’m getting texts on my phone from people I normally talk to, namely my family. I feel guilty for talking with them like maybe it is all fake. They want to have us over for dinner. Usually I see them several times a week. But I’m telling them no because I’m not sure they’re real. But if they are real and haven’t died I want to see them because I don’t want to hurt their feelings and I don’t want to lose my connection with them.
It must be very scary not knowing if something is real or not. Your husband can be a good accountability partner. You can show him the text messages and ask if they’re real.
Does your family know and accept your mental illness? Are they supportive? If so, you could text them and say “hey, I’ve been hallucinating you talking to me a lot. Can I just get someone else to make sure you’re real?
Why do you think they might be dead?
Sending (((hugs))) and good vibes your way @FlyingPurplePeopleMeeter
Both my husband and my family are supportive. They’re just concerned.
I have a memory of my parents dying that no one else has.
When I was sick, I used to be terrified that my husband was fictional. If we were grocery shopping, and he walked to another aisle when I wasn’t looking, I would suddenly find myself alone. And then I would think I imagined our whole relationship, and start having a panic attack, and then he would return with the milk and feel guilty. He eventually learned to announce to me where he was going before walking out of sight.
It’s scary not to be able to trust your own mind, but it will get better. Just find ways to cope in the meantime. Rely on the people you love for support and understanding. You have so much compassion for others. Let them have compassion for you, too. Your family loves you. They know you struggle. Ask them to do reality testing with you.
Thank you, @ninjastar! You are such a blessing! I really needed this help tonight! Now I know some important conversations to have with my husband.
You’re a blessing, too! This site is actively better because you’re here.
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