Schizophrenia.com

Can I be loved? What if he decides he can't deal with me?

So… Here goes…

My boyfriend and I are both excited to start a life together.
We are making plans and looking for a place.

I am absolutely certain that this is the right thing. He is my world and I want to be with him always and forever. And, more than anything I want to make him happy.

The problem is, I am afraid that he will not be able to handle me at my worst times… He has only witnessed minor episodes… I once had an anxiety attack and it hurt him because he thought that I didn’t want to be with him… And I tried to explain what was wrong… But I am not very good at that… We eventually went on with our day and I told him how sorry I was, he forgave me, and said everything was okay he just will need me to help him understand so he knows how he can help.

Background info/ Diagnoses

  • PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder)
  • GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
  • Social Phobia
  • ADHD
  • Schizoaffective Disorder, bipolar type

These cause me many problems that I have a hard time dealing with even by myself.
I am just terrified that I will be too much for him to handle and he will decide that he did not sign up for this.

Is it possible for this to work? Can he really love me despite everything? I don’t want to hurt him… I want him to have a beautiful life… Preferably with me in it…

Opinions? Advice?
Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Hey, if he loves you he loves you, you’re not going to change that.

Maybe what you need is to help yourself see the best in the relationship so you won’t freak out on him about it, but I guess that’s everyone’s mistake, we all freak out once or twice. Just don’t let it become a habit.

Not knowing you or him and both your personalities in the relationship I can’t offer more advice.

Wish you all the best luck!
Don’t let the illness get you down, you deserve to be happy!

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My advice is to let him know about all of this, how it all affects you, how you manage and cope with it, and what he should do (and not do) when you are having a rough time.

If you never tell him all of this, then you’re right, he’s not signing up for it. He can’t sign up for it, if he doesn’t even know about it. In addition, everything will catch him off guard and stress him out, and he won’t feel empowered without being informed. He might even falsely assume that you’re playing head games with him, if he doesn’t understand the truth.

It’s better to have one, big scary moment of being completely open with him, than constantly living in fear of him finding out everything and worrying about how he might react. Best to just rip that band-aid off now.

If he can’t handle it, then it’s inevitable, but if he can handle it, an open and honest conversation will shed light on everything, bring the two of you closer and allow you both to have a much easier time moving forward and coping with things.

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A Do you think you want it to be permanent one day?
Then hold off and keep dating for a long while until you both decide its got a long future.
Look at each others pluses and minuses, add Love.
Get the ring and make plans for marriage to live until death do us part.

B Don’t want it to be permanent?
Live together and be friends with benefits and when he decides he’s had enough, its over.
Or you see what a pig he may be, or he finds another, or variations like that, you end it.
You have to separate all your things and find a new place to live again.

Ok maybe this is a simplification but these days even marriages can end on a whim.
If you need help with expenses, get a roomate.
Playing house can get very complicated even when you are in love.
This is just woman to woman advice.
Have a nice future and long life…

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You’re in love. It’s obvious. Enjoy.

I started bringing my GF to my appointments with me, my pdoc helps her understand my situation, and this also helps if I am starting to have issues because my GF notices long before I do. Like the depression I am having on Latuda. I hadn’t even noticed but she did and called my pdoc yesterday to report it…

That’s just my suggestion, it helped me it might help you

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I agree with those on here who suggested full disclosure. You owe him that. And having him attend therapy sometimes with you is an awesome suggestion. I married my husband without full disclosure because I was still delusional about some things, and I thought I had some things under control and didn’t need to tell him. Anyway, he knows it all now, and he loves me and is committed to standing by me no matter what (unbelievable but true) :blush: I hope the same for you and wish you the best!

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